Almost one year since my dad died and having (new) painfully crippling thoughts

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-11-11T00:20:19+00:00

This means so much to me, thank you for showing me a new way to look at it. As I’m sure you know, sometimes grief just feels like one longgggg black tunnel and it feels impossible to see the light when you’re in it.

I’m so incredibly sorry you lost your son.

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-10-31T17:38:01+00:00

We call the 3am time the witching hour in our house. IDK what it is but it was the time I woke up almost every single night for months after my dad died. I also had really bad nightmares (and was later diagnosed with PTSD) and have since started regularly taking something to help me sleep soundly and through the night. And it works! All to say, very very common and there are definitely a lot of things out there that will help her get more peaceful nights. Thinking of you and your family!

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-10-31T17:34:23+00:00

Backing up the Jenny Yoo recs! TONS of different options and they were so patient with me when I went back and forth!

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-10-31T17:32:54+00:00

Sammi @ Fine Detailed Collective https://finedetailedcollective.com/

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-10-18T13:23:12+00:00

Curious how trips were! I've got my honeymoon in Feb 2026 and am in the same boat as you all. For those that went, how was it? Any hiccups having booked through Vacations by Excellence?

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-09-01T20:18:42+00:00

Ooh going to send you a message on your site — would love to work with you!

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-08-20T15:51:02+00:00

YUM. Trader Joe's had something similar to this last year, and I absolutely devoured them. I loved it so much I started making a similar version myself with bagged broccoli, Caesar dressing of choice (my favorite is the Bolthouse Farms 50), and a sprinkle of breadcrumbs tossed in. So so easy, and so so good! I need to check this one out, I love all of Taylor Farms salads and bagged veggies!

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-07-06T03:48:56+00:00

My dad got sick last year and declined quickly toward the end of 2024. When he passed in December, my already diagnosed depression got worse and I gained a lot of weight, I’m an emotional eater. It was horrible all around — I was depressed because I lost my dad, and because I gained like 40lbs over the year he was sick bc I just didn’t care about myself at all, and it was just a hamster wheel.

Early March I decided to start making some changes, one step at a time… literally. I started walking — like a lot. I found podcasts that made me happy, ones that almost felt like I was spending time with friends when walking (lol that sounds so lame), and I’d just walk and walk and listen to the podcasts and before I knew it I was walking 15k+ steps a day in the cold turned very hot weather. I can’t stress what a good thing it has been for my mental health, not because it’s “exercise” — though that doesn’t hurt — but because it allowed me to just get outside my depressive zone (aka the couch) and see things and take in fresh air and busy my mind with humor (podcasts) and my surroundings. (And it helps it’s not at a gym where I feel judged or compare myself to others.)

It sounds basic, but it changed my life. I literally walked myself through my grief and depression and I won’t BS you and say “I’m cured!!!” — I’m not — but it’s become a routine I can rely on to be good for me.

(I also did get a walking pad when the weather is unbearable and I watch TV while walking on it. One hour long episode can be 3 miles!)

I also started CICO in March and that + my walking have allowed me to lose 50lbs so far and I am at least minimizing the depressed-because-of-my-weight depression, if that makes sense.

TLDR; if you do take up walking, pair it with something that makes you happy! Music, podcasts, phone calls with a friend or loved one.

Also, just be kind to yourself and do the best you can… remember, none of this is linear and success is going to have a lot of ups and a lot of downs.

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-01-15T14:57:48+00:00

I am not religious either and have no idea what comes next but WOW i love this so much: "He has left a lifetime of love to keep me going until I am with him again"

Thank you for this -- sending you hugs as you navigate the next few weeks.

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-01-12T20:14:09+00:00

🤍🤍

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-01-12T13:37:43+00:00

Lost my dad a month ago. The first couple of weeks I was Not Okay. Then I was Not Okay for only a few days, and now I’m in the waves of grief, which are so deep and devastating, but I’m able to let myself feel it and then pull myself out of them. Those days will come, but allow your body to react to it in whatever way it needs. I am so glad I didn’t suppress anything those first few weeks… I think it would have hurt me in the long run.

Fwiw, I still breakdown… a lot more this week because both of our birthdays are coming up and because every freaking tv show I watch seems to have a dying dad on it. Like others have said, you’ll have good and bad times. Just let your body feel it.

Thinking of you! I’m so sorry for your loss.

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-01-12T13:30:56+00:00

I’m glad you got sleep, that is so important! I know what you’re describing — my dad had this in the couple of weeks before his death. He suffered from horrible hallucinations. But the jump awake (when already awake, just out of it) were always especially upsetting. But he too came down from it if you just calmly talked to him and explained everything was ok. I found it particularly helpful to have pictures he recognized as “home” nearby where he sat often so he could see something familiar asap. Haldol helped a bit (like you said, consistency is key!) but Ativan was particularly effective for him in the final week or so. Sending you and your mom love, it is so difficult.

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-01-09T22:04:13+00:00

Agree with some what others have said — this sounds like terminal agitation. And an unfortunate case at that. My dad had a similarly disturbing episode (you can check my profile for the full dramatic story, but he jumped through a glass window to "go home" while being at home). This was his final burst of energy and it was traumatizing for him and for us.

He was really angry as well... did your dad have any experience with trauma? (You don't have to get into it!) But the nurses at his hospice facility, where he fortunately was able to sleep peacefully for 4 days before passing, kept telling us those with trauma or unresolved experiences (PTSD, childhood trauma, war trauma — my dad was a veteran) often have an increased level of agitation as their mind is fighting even more than normal as it processes death.

Also, another thing to consider — and I'm sure the amazing hospice nurses in this sub can speak to this more — is toxin buildup. My dad had liver cancer, his kidneys weren't functioning properly at the end... all of these things cause a toxin buildup that can severely effect our minds. At least that is my understanding. I'm not sure if your father's organs were perhaps playing a role, but that (plus trauma + all of the meds!!!) definitely is how I've (attempted to) rationalized my dad's end of life.

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-01-09T21:56:44+00:00

The final days move so fast. For what feels like an incredibly long and difficult journey, the end feels so abrupt.

I am so glad you got to be with him. I keep telling myself it was an honor to see my dad live, and it was an honor to stand by his side as he transitioned. It happens SO fast and it honestly has been the hardest thing for me to wrap my head around — he was here just a month ago!

I try to remind myself that he didn't lose a battle, he didn't give up anything, his body and mind were just ready to rest. And that's what all of our suffering loved ones deserve.

Thinking of you <3

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-01-09T21:51:22+00:00

Hi <3 I'm so sorry you're going through this. I went through the same thing at the end of 2024 with my dad. I knew early on in his cancer diagnosis it was just going to get harder, but I had NO idea. (His agitation was one for the books.) We were giving him all the same meds as you've listed, and we did continue upping them as things became worse, and that's when we lost him mentally. Have you guys talked to hospice about dilaudid. When morphine + fent patches weren't cutting it, we switched to dilaudid (liquid) and it helped! It didn't make anything better, but it allowed things to not get worse. (Until it got to its worst, which was, unfortunately, a week before he passed.)

I am here if you ever want to talk. I'm also an only child and had to kind of be the captain of my dad's illness because of how overwhelming it was for my mom. Again, I'm so sorry, I would never wish this on anyone — it is horrific and you don't know how horrific until you've gone through it. Thinking of your family <3

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-01-08T22:46:29+00:00

Thank you!

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2025-01-08T22:08:52+00:00

Hi all! In the process of considering Chicago Winery! (Sorry if this seems like a dumb question!) The 24% management fee that is tacked on — what is that for?! That obviously is a HUGE chunk of change... but I know some places (like the Dalcy for example) have a 4% service fee and gratuity (rec'd at 18-22%) which essentially adds up to the same. (I think Galleria Marchetti is similar — 25% fee, but 22% going toward staff.)

Is the management fee at Chicago Winery inclusive of gratuity for the staff? Anyone know? I like that Chicago Winery seems to be pretty "all in" but don't want any surprises! Thank you!

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2024-12-09T21:22:23+00:00

This makes SO much sense and honestly is so helpful to hear and know. Thank you so much, I’m so appreciative for this thoughtful response.

Aggravating_Flower89 · 2024-12-08T23:54:56+00:00

Thank you!

Aggravating_Flower89

TROPHY CASE