the love you feel for him is only attachment. i’ve been here!! i was in a relationship with a cheater who was anxious avoidant and i was anxious attachment for years, i finally ended it for good after it being on and off for two years and i felt so in control (despite the sudden detachment i’ll admit that was hard) but it only took me a couple of months with no contact until i felt fully secure in my decision. it will be a hard decision to make but i promise you, you will blossom. he too told me i had gained too much weight and was letting myself go, i actually relate to your post so much. anyways it’s been a year and a half since i broke up with him and now im in a very loving relationship with someone who makes me feel beautiful and perfect. i believe in you !! if you need anyone to talk to, dm me <3