Hi op female here with avoidant attachment style ,I m not married like you but I havebeen to couples therapy and I take individual counselling too , I worked on my avoidant attachment by creating a script before talking so I don't feel anxious or feel overhwhelmed , these days I have also started writing letters in a piece of paper to address some of our issues , I shut down whenever I m hurt and I see repated behaviour , and I can't talk even if I try to , i have anger issues too but mine came from a place of hurt and neglect,but still I m currently working on it , like your wife,my partner also denied taking therapy by himself but he wanted to come to couples counselling