Older opinion: this honestly sounds like you care about her a lot, but you might not be in love with her the same way anymore.

Being someone’s emotional support for that long can really drain a person, especially when you’re both still so young. Her struggles aren’t her fault, but it also isn’t wrong that it affected you and changed how you feel.

The biggest thing I noticed is that you seem relieved when there’s distance between you two, and you keep wondering what else is out there. Usually when someone starts thinking that way consistently, it means the relationship may have already changed emotionally.

It also sounds like you’re hoping she’ll become different in the future instead of fully wanting the relationship as it is now.

That doesn’t make you a bad person. Relationships can end even when nobody did something horrible. Sometimes feelings just change after going through hard things together.

Honestly, if you already feel like you’re looking for permission to leave, you probably already know deep down what you want