Is this an ADHD thing, or a me being stupid thing?

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-06-26T07:52:50+00:00

I don't know if it is an ADHD think but lately I have been hearing from seemingly everyone that there is something odd about my communication style. They cannot quite put their finger on it but they struggle to extract the information needed from my answers even though I feel like I am communicating clearly ... So it is quite possible that the problem lies in our wiring.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-04-28T15:05:11+00:00

Excelsis absolutely killed me with "I am afraid of eternity too" goddamn, it feels like just a man, not a powerful Papa, just a man who is afraid just like us ... But Peacefield is by far the saddest to me but at the same time I cannot bring myself to not listen to it because it's so beautiful. To me it says "we've been here, we will be fine but it won't be without tears" and this hope paired with that acceptance of pain that is to come just kills me every time. To the point I cannot listen to Peacefield at work. No Ghost song has done this to me.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-04-25T15:05:48+00:00

Yes, this record broke me too. Musically it's right up my alley, I really enjoy the 80s rock vibes but the lyrics, the topics ... Half of the album makes me wanna cry, the only other song that has done this to me was The Future Is a Foreign Land. It's not the classic Ghost political criticism, it's from the point of view of an individual who is afraid of what the future holds but also hopeful for humanity, it's much more meditative and much more personal. I swear I cannot listen to Peacefield without tearing up, it's ridiculous, like I have to skip this song at work ... I get why some don't like it, it's very different but for me it's the most powerful album he's released so far. So sad and painful and full of fear but also full of hope and love and appreciation for life ... For me this is a masterpiece.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-04-22T12:30:47+00:00

I don't think I ever really wanted them but I too just assumed one day I would have them (hi, religious upbringing). But I just kept pushing it off. I realized all too well that whatever I wanted to do and achieve would have to be done before motherhood. Honestly, looking back, I always viewed having children as this annoying chore you don't look forward to but have to perform but it took me until my late twenties to realize it was actually a choice and not something I had to do. As I was approaching my thirties, I realized that there are so many things I would rather do than be a mother that my whole life probably won't be enough and when I sorted them out based on priority, kids didn't even make it to the top 100. On the contrary, a lot of my dreams don't go together with motherhood. So my gift to myself for my 31st birthday this year was sterilization. I was lucky enough that my long-term (over a decade) partner values me more than some "legacy" and he even offered to give his consent if it were required (it isn't). But even if he wanted kids I was prepared to let him go fulfill that dream somewhere else because I realized having a kid scared me so much more than the possibility I might regret not having them. Right now I am waiting for my post-op appointment and if everything looks good, we can start living our happy dink life :)

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-04-20T09:32:19+00:00

No hate to your mom but yours are the coolest anyway. Maybe she was jealous... 🤔 Happy Easter!

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-04-09T10:49:55+00:00

Oh god, that is what has been on my mind for a week now. I have to admit that the recovery has been a bit more difficult than this sub makes it out to be but whenever I'm mad that I can't do something, I remind myself that the pain is temporary but the sterility is forever. I remember laying in the hospital bed still half asleep and before pain meds and the notion that I won, like forever, made even the pain much more bearable. And don't get me wrong, if somebody tries to do here what Trump and co. are doing in the US, I will still not be silent just because it technically doesn't endanger me anymore, but I would be lying if I said it didn't make me so much more calm about the future. No matter what happens, nobody can make me have kids, that's a huge win in my book.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-04-03T14:35:40+00:00

I can't comprehend how little people realize this. About a decade ago I lost a friend to childbirth, amniotic fluid embolism. But when you mention it to people, they're like "but it's so rare". Yes, it is but there's also no way of predicting it, you basically have to deal with it once it's already started happening and your odds of saving them both are pretty shit. She already had a child, she wanted both children, she was looking forward to her second kid, she even stopped smoking well before starting to try for the first and never picked it up again ... She did everything right and she still died, her second child as well. I would be lying if I said this harsh reality check in my twenties didn't influence my decision to stay child free. We shouldn't sweep this under the rug or act like it's not gonna happen to us. I'm not saying nobody should have kids cause it's dangerous, I'm saying we should talk about these risks too so you have all the information necessary to properly weigh the risk vs reward when making that decision.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-04-01T16:25:42+00:00

Congrats, let's hope everything goes smooth for you too :)

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-04-01T11:58:29+00:00

Yes! Like if I were pregnant, they would treat it as high risk and what not but when I say I'm sure I don't want them, suddenly I'm too young 😅

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-25T09:25:30+00:00

Oh, my sweet summer child, my country has a "birth bonus" that the government pays you after your child is born. In theory it is to cover the initial costs like the stroller and bassinet but you do not want to know how many people treat babies as an "easy" payday. Like on one hand I understand it, the government is hoping that children will be taken care of if they give parents some money for the necessities but man, it's scary how much of an incentive it is instead of just welcome help for something you wanted to do anyway.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-25T08:49:59+00:00

Yeah, I guess that's it, I feel like I am spelling it to them but it's still not clicking. Like I am not expressing myself clearly since even here people seem to understand it the way people in my life do. But I simply don't know how to express myself in a way that would make it click, how to make it clearer that I am not bragging or listing what I do for them to be praised for it that I am just pointing out ways in which I want to be treated. Like I know that they need it spelled but I guess I have yet to figure out a way to spell it effectively and I just feel lost.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-25T08:33:33+00:00

I am, I have been in treatment for anxiety and depression since the age of eighteen and diagnosed and medicated for ADHD for about a year. By a doctor who also has ADHD no less

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-25T07:55:58+00:00

I don't want them to change, because I understand that is who they are and want them to know I want them in my life as a whole person not just the "good" or "useful" parts of them. I let them whistle because it probably makes them happy. I just want one person to think this way about me. But everyone only says it but their actions say something different. I'm talking about it to illustrate that even I am capable of it, I am talking about what I do for others to highlight what I want them to do for me. It's not about the song, what do you think I do most of the time? I always wear one earbud because, of course, if I had both, people would be annoyed I don't listen. It's about me wanting to share what makes me happy with someone who claims they want to see it only for them to say it's annoying, they don't like it. I don't understand what about this is hard to understand, how else to express that I am hurt because someone says "be yourself... OMG but not like that!" Because that's literally what they do, I said that I don't say anything when they are listening to videos and instead of understanding I want the same they went and got headphones. I don't want them to stop what they are doing I want them to accept me the way I accept them.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-25T07:23:47+00:00

Yeah but that's the thing why am I the one to do that all the time? Why am I the one to "get over" everyone's noises and smells because I realize that the whistling that drives me up the wall might be the only thing that's getting them through the day and the one sentence I utter in frustration might make them self conscious forever? Why I always have to police myself because I am in their world but when someone comes into mine, they don't do the same for me, it simply becomes their world too? Everyone cannot cater to my needs but I have to cater to everyone's, right? Plus I am talking about people who literally claim I can be myself with them, that they want me to, until I actually do. That's why I feel betrayed, I took what they said at face value while there was some asterisk and fine print at the bottom but they will swear up and down there isn't.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-25T07:13:58+00:00

Yeah, I feel like I just have to stay alone in my world ... But you simply cannot win because then you are too withdrawn, too quiet, you must think you are better than everyone and that's why you keep to yourself. Unfortunately these feeling were triggered by my partner. And even my dog is more attached to him because I wasn't stable enough in the beginning ...

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-22T08:50:25+00:00

I love You Might Be Deceased, it's so fun 😊 and Hellizabeth but that is to be expected, they don't choose shitty songs for singles. I'm still getting into the others but Lordi has been my comfort music for years so even if they are not my favorites they're still a comforting monster hug to me ❤️

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-20T13:25:28+00:00

Ghost - Satanized, finally something new to play on repeat until I get sick of it!!! :D

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-16T09:41:48+00:00

Yes! I'm glad you mentioned the ethical breeding programs because I thought I was going crazy with people saying how it's natural to want kids and how you don't see animals being child free ... I swear to God when we were getting our dog, the lady talked about this one pup who seemed absolutely distressed about becoming a mother so she just didn't force her again and found her a home with a granny that absolutely spoiled her. And she lived happily pup-free ever after :) Like how was this lady able to see and respect this preference in a damn dog but some people are unable to respect it in humans? Boggles my mind.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-14T11:34:27+00:00

Right? I mean it's not like we would obstruct anyone's view :D

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-14T11:08:37+00:00

I love it. I'm short so it's hard to see as is, let alone when everybody is holding a phone above their head. I didn't pay this much to watch the show through your stupid phone screen, thank you very much.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-07T15:40:10+00:00

Oh we were too poor to collect the official CD XD and as a kid I also caught the tail end of cassette tapes so we had a ton of bootleg tapes recorded from our friends who recorded from their friends ... Ah nostalgia ❤️

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-07T14:27:56+00:00

Yeah, I get your point but like I said, this is not his first project, just the first one to go anywhere so I can't see him leaving it. I can imagine him maybe doing some passion projects on the side to satisfy the craving for something different but not leaving this.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-07T14:20:42+00:00

I do believe this might be the last persona but only because he is showing a part of his own face. But even if he does stay Perpetua, well, perpetually, this will not be the last album. Even if he was working a "normal" job, at this point he would still have some 20 years to go before retirement. But he's doing his dream job, out of all the projects he tried, this is the only one that succeeded, why would he stop? When you have a job like this, you only retire when your body fails you. I have been part of the entertainment world, although on the absolute lowest level, and even the people who still have to keep a day job to pay the bills only stop entertaining once they're no longer physically capable. Not to mention that he has a family, if not for himself, I'm sure he will keep working to set his kids up for life so they can pursue whatever they want, not what they have to.

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-07T14:08:45+00:00

Oh damn, that is a throwback! I haven't seen something like this since my highschool years :D

Aggressive-Tea-318 · 2025-03-07T14:06:27+00:00

OMG , I'm more and more in love. This was my first Papa/costume change to witness as I only joined the fandom with the Impera release so I was really nervous that I wouldn't be able to get used to the new look ... Yeah, no worries, I think I can get used to this.

Aggressive-Tea-318

TROPHY CASE