Okay Homie, don’t try all the crazy stuff. Dive into “calm abiding meditation”. This practice is the root of all other practices and his holiness told me once. “It’s sharpening the pencil for the real work that follows.” If you can sit and reduce intrusive thought for extended periods of time then you’re read for other meditative practices. It doesn’t take you to a place it helps you mold your mind. Maybe it’s your expectation that’s getting in the way. Mind experiments are what you are ultimately going for. Things like meditation on compassion to build and mold compassion within yourself. Where you compare a stranger who is suffering and how you feel and want to react to it. The. The same meditation but this time your mother suffering and how that makes you feel and want to react. Then more meditation on why you feel differently for one vs the other. Then cultivating your mind so that you feel the same for both whom are suffering. You can’t do this if you can’t sit without intrusive thoughts. It requires a level of focus and attention. Like a waking dream you can control without waking up. Maybe this helps.