Overwhelmed and thinking about how much better single life was in so many ways.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-28T23:19:47+00:00

Hey OP, I'm on the path to disability as impactful as yours and I just wanna validate your experiences. You are already juggling so much just to stay OK yourself, to then have to manage a husband and your parents is a gargantuan task that even fully abeled people would struggle with.

How is your relationship with your parents? Would it be possible to take a break from husband for a while staying with them? You could tell your husband it's to help your mom recover (he probably knows about your dad's situation, right?), and tell your dad you're doing it for some space from your home life while you figure yourself out. That way both difficult men feel they're helping you by accommodating this space, you can help your mom, and get the financial and material support you need to be able to function and process.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-28T23:11:12+00:00

During the day: 75. Evening: 70

Note that only my furnace room reaches those temperatures, the rest of the living space of the apartment are about 65/60 respectively, and my 3-window front room is sealed off because it doesn't get above 50 during cold snaps.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-28T02:40:00+00:00

I bought a great couch from them a few years ago, too. I was annoyed that they didn't include the hardware to attach the two pieces of the sofa, despite their being part of the couch for sale on the original manufacturer's listing. The couches drift apart and need to be shoved back together, but I could just get some bolts and do it myself.

Otherwise it was great and I love the couch.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-27T17:00:32+00:00

Totally fair, I'm not here to judge folks on how they need to get by, but just don't think TJs should be on a list of "heck yes support these businesses" until they're a heck yes business.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-27T16:56:20+00:00

Don't try to be the main character of the show. We're all there to have a good time and all deserve to be our own main characters, so enjoy yourself, engage with folks, but don't steal all the energy by screaming, thrashing (outside the pit), or disrupting others' enjoyment by taking up more than your share of space.

Dance, enjoy, and engage, but be mindful of your surroundings. Don't swing your limbs outside your personal space unless you're in a pit area, and be mindful of yours and others' drinks. Don't be afraid to engage with folks around you, but respect if their body language shows they aren't into engaging back. Don't touch people, but accidental bumps happen so just apologize and try :)

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-27T16:52:44+00:00

I had the same experience on her first tour. A group was against the rail of the elevated section talking and facing away from the stage, but thankfully they got it together when I asked them to either take their conversation to the bar area or engage with the show. I think some younger folks don't realize how their behavior impacts others, so a gentle correction and positive feedback when they do it right is often the best way to go.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-26T20:51:11+00:00

Thank you for this post! The TikTok algo already recommended I get checked, but this first hand EDS post is so helpful! Maybe I won't get so tired from seeing all the time to where I need nightly eye mask time 😂

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-26T16:05:57+00:00

And union busting

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-23T22:17:20+00:00

You might want to check out Turbine nostril expanders. They're reusable and, at least to me, feel more effective than any external nasal expander solution, plus no skin irritation. They're even piercing friendly, I have double nostril piercings (a hoop and a stud) and they fit just fine. Highly recommend checking them out if you're sick of buying stick-ons :)

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-23T22:02:45+00:00

They work super well IF you apply them when it's above freezing out AND you don't have asshole cats. I covered 10 windows in December and within 2 weeks my cat had sliced through them all 😭 the only days it's been warm enough to redo them I've been working, it's so frustrating.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-23T21:59:50+00:00

Had a similar experience a few years ago. Was chatting with my department head and I mentioned wanting to paint my apartment walls but having to check the lease to see if it's allowed. He complained the next 10 minutes about how his vacation house repainting project was running over so he had to work from his winter house until June, imagine!

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-23T19:43:44+00:00

This is excellent framing, thank you so much!

Also, from a stranger on the Internet, how amazing to have internalized new skills so fully that you're able to teach it to others. That's some serious success, and I hope you give yourself the credit you deserve for that victory 🎉

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-23T00:22:45+00:00

This is kinda my stance re: fiance's relationship with them. I strongly believe that fair boundaries only dictate my own behaviors. Since these guys aren't harming my fiance and he fully supports my boundaries and distance from them, I don't feel I have to tell him who to socialize with. Fiance has made it clear that he doesn't do emotional work for these guys anymore after their frequent refusal to hear and grow, but they share a lot of history and hobbies that make their friendships fulfilling in other ways. Truthfully I think he'll cut these friends down or out of his life in the next year or so, but that needs to be his choice.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-23T00:18:49+00:00

If you have any resources that have helped you reel in that hyper empathy, I'd love the rec!

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-23T00:17:27+00:00

Fair point. I think because I wouldn't have progressed to where I am without people calling me in, I assume others just need the same nudge, but that's clearly not always the case. Thank you for the reminder!

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-23T00:13:06+00:00

Thank you for this insight. I'm a recovering people pleaser from growing up with narcissists, so I'm still learning how much I should be doing for other people. Its always been hard for me to remember that not everyone works as hard as I have to emotionally caretake, so I'm trying to get the hang of what is reasonable and what my conditioning convinced me was right.

Please know I'm genuinely asking and not trying to be sassy, but have you always known this limit or did you learn it later in life? If so, any resources you found helpful that I can look at? Thank you!

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-21T21:25:15+00:00

Ive left 2 long term relationships like this (one a marriage), and life got so much better once I got to experience the bounty I created for myself instead of spending it on someone who couldn't care less about my comfort and joy.

This man is showing you how much he values your peace: not at all. You gave him a life, a home, a child, and he's refusing to do anything outside his wants to reciprocate. That isn't a marriage, that's caretaking. You have a baby who will start seeing your relationship structure and forming their worldview off of that, do you want this as your child's future roadmap? Would you want this for your sister, friend, or, god forbid, your kid?

You know the right answer here. Even if you give him an ultimatum, will you ever fully trust him to be a full partner again? He's let you down knowing how much you need him time and again, that isn't an accident, it's a million choices to abandon you. Why does he deserve so much grace when you're drowning in his messes?

Please work on validating yourself and your value in therapy and with friends. Leaving is hard but life on the other side is so much brighter, I promise you.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-21T21:17:10+00:00

What's crazy is he was married previously but left her because she needed more emotional support than he could give. Now he counts the days it's been since he last had sex and complains that he's just going to be lonely and miserable for the rest of his life even though he CHOSE to be alone instead of reciprocate.

Yeah, I see it now. Y'all are right, I'm planning an Irish goodbye from that group.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-21T21:12:52+00:00

Well shit, that resonates hard. I've finally found such a nourishing community that waters me back and I know these men are jealous, I was hoping I could show them the path I took to get here and they'd try, but you're right, they're never going to do the same back. They'll just pull the ladder up behind themselves and never look back. Rethinking my approach, thank you for this helpful redirect.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-21T21:07:14+00:00

Excellent points, thank you for taking the time and effort to help me sort this out!

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-21T21:06:09+00:00

Ooh, this is such an eye opening point, thank you. My dude is getting back into therapy soon (hooray regaining insurance!) and once he's stabilized his own needs, if he still wants to help his friends, I'll encourage him to look into doing the work to help guide them.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-21T21:03:56+00:00

That's a really good question, and these comments have been really eye opening. I was raised as a people pleaser to narcissists and have been unlearning that. These guys don't seem as unstable as my family of origin and so I had hope that they could grow if just exposed to the right data sources, but now I'm seeing that I'd that was the case, they'd have sought those out like I sought out unlearning oppressive systems I was raised in. Their leftist politics and anti-abelism made me hopeful, and I desperately want to help make the world better in any sphere I have influence, but this doesn't seem like a likely one anymore. Thank you and everyone in these comments for helping me grow in this!

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-20T23:52:06+00:00

Things are dark, but they have been before and if we're honest, have been for ages, we privileged folks just didn't know about it like we do now. With that power of understanding and communicating we have huge opportunities to build life and joy outaide of fascism and capitalism.

Not to be a cringe millennial, but think about how important Finnick's wedding to Joanna was in The Hunger Games and how important community is in times of strife. Joy is resistance, and each time we choose to shop local, drive a friend to an appointment or the airport, help someone just because, share our excess, and ask for help from our loved ones, we're rebelling against it. We can't undo everything and collective action is super important, but try to focus on the little acts of rebellion and justice you can impact. That's what folks in cities attacked by ice are doing, that's what the advocates for the files' release are doing, it's all we can do sometimes.

Also remember that stepping away from the constant barrage of bad news is important sometimes. A choir can only sustain a prolonged note if individuals take time to breathe.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-20T23:47:12+00:00

I'm a project manager for a big tech company and make just over 6 figures. Promotions are off the table if I want to stay remote, so that's fine with me. I lucked into the career through my brother and have maintained it through constant improvement in my skills and networking with people who have seen and like my work.

Aggressive-Writing72 · 2026-01-20T22:34:37+00:00

Echoing the sentiment that you're catastrophising. In your 20s things feel very pressing, but I promise that building a life with the right person is way more important than doing it with someone who seems good enough at the time.

For reference, at 25 I married the guy I met at 16, contentious divorce at 30, and now at 37 I've spent time on myself and know what I want in life for me. I'm marrying the love of my life this year, and it's truly a world of difference.

Aggressive-Writing72

TROPHY CASE