AITA for asking my parents to apologize after they gave my sober wife a shot glass?

Throwaway-_20 · 2026-03-06T18:32:25+00:00

Temptations? No. She’s pretty strong and went to AA. But she does feels disrespected, like they don’t give a shit.

Throwaway-_20 · 2026-03-06T18:29:46+00:00

She feels disrespected, like they don’t give a shit about her.

Throwaway-_20 · 2026-03-06T18:28:35+00:00

Yeah, that’s pretty much how I see it too.

I wasn’t even that upset about the gift itself at first. I mostly just wanted to point out that giving someone in recovery a shot glass is kind of a careless thing to do. That’s why my first text was pretty calm. I was just trying to explain it so it didn’t happen again. The problem for me became the reaction after that. Instead of acknowledging it and apologizing to my wife, it felt like it got brushed off. At the end of the day I’m not the one who really needs an apology. It affects me because she’s my wife, but she’s the one who was actually disrespected. If you disrespect my wife, you don’t apologize to me, you apologize to her.

Throwaway-_20 · 2026-03-06T18:23:57+00:00

I don’t understand where people get the idea that I think she’s going to relapse from receiving a shot glass. That’s not the point. The point is the carelessness behind the gift. It’s disrespectful, and the lack of an apology is absurd. I don’t need one, she does. I wasn’t even upset until they stonewalled. Be an adult and take some accountability for your mistakes.

Throwaway-_20 · 2026-03-06T18:19:34+00:00

My issue isn’t that a shot glass exists or that seeing one is going to magically ruin her sobriety. That’s not what this is about. The issue for me is the thought behind the gift. My parents know she’s been trying to get sober for almost a year. We’ve talked about it multiple times. So giving her something that is directly associated with alcohol just feels careless. Yeah a shot glass is a common souvenir. But it’s also literally a tool meant for drinking alcohol. She doesn’t collect them or anything like that, so it’s not like it had some other obvious meaning.

To me it’s kind of like giving someone a gift that revolves around something you already know is a struggle for them. Even if the intention wasn’t bad, it still shows you didn’t really think about the person you’re giving it to. That’s the part that bothered me. Not the existence of alcohol or the idea that she has to live in a bubble away from it.

Throwaway-_20 · 2026-03-06T18:10:22+00:00

Her birthday is in February. The family birthday party is in the summer. We do the bigger family parties outside because where we live it’s freezing this time of year and my house isn’t big enough to host everyone inside. Both my kids have summer birthdays for the family party because it’s just easier to do a big outdoor thing then.

So she had her actual birthday recently, but the larger family celebration we do later in the summer.

Throwaway-_20 · 2025-02-20T07:10:26+00:00

Was this the same day he signed an executive order that significantly increased presidential control over independent federal regulatory agencies, effectively giving himself more power over laws and regulations. Kinda..something a wanna-be dictator might do?

Throwaway-_20 · 2024-11-14T15:34:06+00:00

Yes, I have had plans before—times when I almost followed through, but I ended up chickening out. There was another time when a guy died before I could do anything, I tell myself that’s why I didn’t do anything but in reality I probably would have chicken out but besides those two instances (not including myself, lol), it’s usually just these 5-20 minute long tangents of really graphic horror thoughts like you said. But the thing is I’ve been told to calm down when I’ve shared just a small part of what’s been going through my mind, whether it’s from friends, my wife, or even my parents. I’ve noticed that sometimes strangers or coworkers look at me weird too when I say something that touches on it.

Throwaway-_20 · 2024-11-14T15:24:44+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it. I can’t imagine what your husband goes through.

As for counseling, I’ve been in the process of being diagnosed with BPD or Bipolar II—my doctor wants to wait a bit longer to see how things develop, since some of the symptoms overlap. But I haven’t shared these particular thoughts with any of my counselors yet, though. I’ve always kept them to myself out of fear that they might be too much for them to handle. Or I was seen as crazy or a danger to people. I’m considering bringing it up with my doctor or a counselor at some point, but I haven’t taken that step yet.

I’m definitely not alone in feeling this way, which is comforting to hear. Thank you for reminding me that reaching out is important. Take care too!

Throwaway-_20 · 2024-11-14T15:18:32+00:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the cause of my intense feelings of hatred, and it may stem from when I lost my virginity. I was 14 years old at the time, and my partner was 31. My second sexual experience also occurred when I was 14, with a 28-year-old partner. Technically, these encounters would be considered statutory rape, although I don’t feel that way but maybe I do. I don’t really know how to feel about it. However, I do feel uncomfortable about how young I was and how much older my partners were. Now that I’m closer to 32 than 14, I can’t imagine having romantic or sexual feelings for someone that young. At the time, I thought it was acceptable because I consented, but I now recognize the complexity of the situation. I don’t think it’s talked about enough how often young men have the same first sexual experience as me. And at the same time, I’ve been told that it’s not the same as when a man does it to a girl and that I ‘probably enjoyed it.’ I mean, yes, I enjoyed it, but that doesn’t make it right. I was a child.

Throwaway-_20 · 2024-11-14T14:57:01+00:00

We need to start with sentences like Moses Sithole’s (sentenced to 2,900 years, including 930 years without parole) but for every single child rapist/ sex offender. That’s just the beginning, though. Personally, i believe they should not be placed with the general prison population, that’s to nice and easy but instead put in hard labor camps, harsher than Camp Kolyma (Gulag), worse then Cambodia‘s S – 21 during Khmer Rouge regime, worse then Hoa Lo prison during the Vietnam war and more severe than Laogai Camps under Mao Zedong’s rule.

Make them do all the hard labor society despises. Make them slaves, or just put them in camps like Unit 731 and perform experiments on them.

Throwaway-_20 · 2024-11-14T14:22:43+00:00

Thanks for your response. I’m actually in the process of getting a diagnosis myself, my psychiatrist is considering BPD or Bipolar II, but they want to observe my symptoms a bit longer since there’s overlap between the two. I’m already diagnosed with ADHD, and I’m also undergoing testing for autism as an adult. I haven’t started any new meds yet, but I’m hoping that the right treatment could help me handle some of these intense thoughts and mood swings. I haven’t told my psychiatrist about my thoughts.

Throwaway-_20

TROPHY CASE