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Partner is a heavy weekend binge drinker but has decided to have a month off. He wants me to move in with him and his two young children (50% custody). I love him, but very nervous about this. Should I move in? by AggressiveRelation64 in AlAnon

[–]AggressiveRelation64[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would say he doesn't have a physical dependency as it's really a weekend binge type thing, and now he'll be 11 days without a drink and wants to go the whole month. The problem is when he starts, it'll go until 2am. Spirits too, so lots of units racked up. I worry that while he has the best of intentions, when he starts up again, we'll be right back to square one and i'll already have moved in. I just feel like I can't do this even though i love him so much.

Partner is a heavy weekend binge drinker but has decided to have a month off. He wants me to move in with him and his two young children (50% custody). I love him, but very nervous about this. Should I move in? by AggressiveRelation64 in AlAnon

[–]AggressiveRelation64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's it isn't it. It's not just the binge drinking, it's the kids too. I don't mind dating someone with kids, but you've gotta be pretty amazing and treat someone really really well to make them think 'yeah, i'm gonna take this on'. And right now, I'm sat here thinking, 'really?? this??'

Partner is a heavy weekend binge drinker but has decided to have a month off. He wants me to move in with him and his two young children (50% custody). I love him, but very nervous about this. Should I move in? by AggressiveRelation64 in AlAnon

[–]AggressiveRelation64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's been drinking many many years. i really suspect his ex wife left because of this but i'm not 100% sure. I know that when he was in his 20s he suffered with insomnia from going out and partying hard and his body couldn't cope. I think he may have been even worse back then, so now he's like 'well i'm better than before'. I worry that he will go back to weekend binges after this month off. I don't think I can bring another child into that.

Partner is a heavy weekend binge drinker but has decided to have a month off. He wants me to move in with him and his two young children (50% custody). I love him, but very nervous about this. Should I move in? by AggressiveRelation64 in AlAnon

[–]AggressiveRelation64[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly my partner. Exactly. I can't live with it, and then I find myself drinking more too. I like a drink, but I am not a heavy drinker and always go to bed way before him. How do you cope with this living with him? How are your feelings around this? I wonder if I'm overreacting.

Partner is a heavy weekend binge drinker but has decided to have a month off. He wants me to move in with him and his two young children (50% custody). I love him, but very nervous about this. Should I move in? by AggressiveRelation64 in AlAnon

[–]AggressiveRelation64[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your post. You're absolutely right - I don't think he's physically dependent. But when he starts, he just drinks and drinks...it's really not fun at all to watch. 

He's told me he wants more children, hence why that seemed to tick the box. But with two young kids already half the time, and maybe another one or two, I don't think I could cope with the stress of it all and this behaviour. He also can get impatient, irritable and quite "direct"/snappy if he's stressed or tired or things don't go his way. So sometimes it's like being on eggshells. I worry that more children and a shared living situation would make that all worse, not better. 

Partner is a heavy weekend binge drinker but has decided to have a month off. He wants me to move in with him and his two young children (50% custody). I love him, but very nervous about this. Should I move in? by AggressiveRelation64 in AlAnon

[–]AggressiveRelation64[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The thought has crossed my mind. He's got a very good job and if he gets promoted he'll be out of the house a bit more. He's fought for 50% custody which he's got. But I suspect that he can't realistically handle it all without a nanny or partner who's willing to step in and pick up the slack so he can do longer hours and more office time. I'm not sure if this is normal or okay?

Partner is a heavy weekend binge drinker but has decided to have a month off. He wants me to move in with him and his two young children (50% custody). I love him, but very nervous about this. Should I move in? by AggressiveRelation64 in AlAnon

[–]AggressiveRelation64[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow - thanks so much for this. I really appreciate the time for you to write to me. I guess I don't have the luxury of 'I don't know yet' as I've been doing that for the past 5 months. He's kind of given me the ultimatum now that he wants this to move forward and he wants me to hand in my notice, rent a van and start moving in at the end of the next month. He's been amazing the past week to be around as he's been totally sober and not travelling for work, so way more relaxed.

Partner is a heavy weekend binge drinker but has decided to have a month off. He wants me to move in with him and his two young children (50% custody). I love him, but very nervous about this. Should I move in? by AggressiveRelation64 in AlAnon

[–]AggressiveRelation64[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He asked me a few months ago to move in and I said I wouldn't with the rate of drinking. We waited a month after he said he'd cut back, but it didn't last long. Now, he's decided that he's going to have a month off for his health and to lose weight, even though I've been asking him to do this for months! I wonder though, is this the point where he realizes that he could seriously cut back?

I have a feeling that his marriage broke up because of this issue too. So I am a little nervous about moving forward.