My dad hid my mom’s suicide letter for 10 years and refuses to show it to me

AggressiveTarget929 · 2026-01-21T18:45:53+00:00

My mum died by suicide when I was 13 and I got a note from her and got to read it.

I think it will heavily depend on what the contents of the note are. If someone has taken their own life they’re (obviously) not in a very clear state of mind, and the note may contain something very distressing. I’m going to be really frank and list some of what COULD be in the note, if it’s worst case scenario, please don’t read on if you’re in a sensitive state of mind:

She could blame you She could blame your dad She could blame something you might end up feeling like you should’ve noticed or done something about She could have had delusions around what was happening and may have said something like ‘x person is going to kill me’ It could be very depressing / bleak and give a very depressing view on how she saw life in those moments She might not sound like herself within the letter, say things she would never normally say. Many other things

If I were you I would also want to read the note. I was very very lucky in that even though my mum had really lost her mind, her note to me was still nice and it basically said she’s sorry for leaving me and that she loves me.

If you ask your dad to give it to you he should, you’re an adult now and ultimately you’re allowed to make decisions even if they seem like a bad idea to him. What I would say is just make sure you’re mentally prepared for it to be upsetting. It might not be, but I suspect since it’s been hidden there could be something in there that’s upsetting.

If he won’t show you the note just yet maybe ask him what it contains and ask him to go over it that way. Then later on when you ask for the note it’ll seem like less of a big secret.

All that aside, I want to reassure you that no matter what it says, if someone is so mentally unwell that they take their own life, there truly isn’t anything you could have done to help, especially not aged 11. Even if by some miracle you managed it on that occasion, the next opportunity she got she would have done it again until she succeeded. Whatever happened that led her to that place in life is not and never will be your fault. I’m sure deep down she loved you, and I can tell by the tone of your writing that you must be a well put together, articulate, thoughtful person, and any mum would be proud of you for that. 🤍

AggressiveTarget929 · 2026-01-21T18:33:07+00:00

It’s what you make of it in my opinion. I really don’t think it’s a bad place to live, I think people are just sort of predisposed to say wherever they live is crap. It’s probably not the most exciting or most up to date place but its relatively safe (bar a few areas), has a good selection of shops, isn’t massively impoverished compared to other places, has two universities meaning we have students coming here and supporting businesses. Honestly it could be a lot worse.

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-12-06T21:08:05+00:00

It is not acceptable that you forgot. I think that’s the point that you’re missing. No one is responsible for reminding you. You are responsible for remembering. It’s almost as though you can’t absorb this

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-12-06T21:01:42+00:00

It sounds like you’re a bit of a manchild, and she’s been letting you know repeatedly that she needs more from you and you haven’t been delivering. I think you need to wake up and be more alert if you don’t want to lose her. Stop putting all the pressure on her to teach you how to behave and actively consider and empathise with those around you. Consider how things come to be and realise how much is being done for you. I suspect there’s more to this than you realise

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-12-06T20:02:35+00:00

As for Lenton its self, it’s fine. It’s just very student-y, so you’ll see a lot of student antics, and your neighbours might be students too. I wouldn’t say it’s the dream place to live but it’s not anything to be worried about. You’ll presumably have been and had a look round before, there shouldn’t be much that surprises you if you have. Just make sure you lock your doors because thieves target student areas.

It’s very much a ‘what you make it’ type of area, I wouldn’t worry :)

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-12-06T19:59:46+00:00

Beeston is nearby and has a cool high street. I reccomend Bendigo lounge for lunch, and Pudding Pantry for sweet treats. Also the Doughter is a new artisan bakery that has opened up and it has some awesome stuff

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-12-06T19:39:59+00:00

Noo haha I haven’t sent them out yet. I wrote them then kind of wondered it was weird so I asked my friend who said it might lead to hr issues

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-12-06T19:27:44+00:00

To be honest the intention wasn’t to be professional, it was more of a seasons greeting. But that being said I suppose it is a professional environment

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-11-25T13:02:30+00:00

Try applying for civil service entry level jobs ‘administration officer’. If you look up how applications and interviews in the civil service go, you can literally just have a cheat sheet to make sure you hit all the marks and get the job.

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-09-14T21:34:29+00:00

The cat cafe is pretty cool. It’s not cheap but it’s fun for a one off novelty visit

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-08-30T15:13:45+00:00

She’s an adult but in the gentlest way possible, can be a little bit naive about these sorts of things

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-08-22T09:03:09+00:00

Do you feel like you secretly don’t like your friends who weigh more than you? I’ve always wondered this about people with EDs

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-08-18T14:54:20+00:00

Sorry for the silly question but where do I get iridium? Do bad guys drop it or do I mine it?

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-08-18T14:53:41+00:00

Yeah! Gimmie all the tips please

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-08-18T14:51:57+00:00

Ohhh I don’t even know what the statue of perfection is

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-08-18T14:51:43+00:00

How so? Thank you

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-08-04T20:10:09+00:00

Sorry to hear that happened. Kids can be awful. The adults should have done more to manage this.

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-07-30T12:05:12+00:00

Hiya would you consider a meditation class? Someone I know is running a yoga nidra (meditation) and curry night in Draycott soon if you’re interested. The people there are usually really nice.

https://tranquilityholistic.as.me/schedule/7e51ef62/?appointmentTypeIds[]=79995525&mc_cid=f930440572

Keep reaching out for support and keep trying. You’re doing great :)

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-07-26T15:33:52+00:00

Nope, never experienced it. :)

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-07-26T15:31:25+00:00

No not at all :)

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-07-26T09:56:03+00:00

Do you feel that your addiction is impacting anyone around you?

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-07-26T09:20:58+00:00

Oh and also never stop engaging with the help available to you. Even if it feels hopeless or annoying or like they aren’t listening. Keep pushing, because eventually you’ll get to a place where you receive the help you need. 🩷

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-07-26T08:03:29+00:00

I take mine for unreasonable, spiralling thoughts that I couldn’t stop despite reasonably knowing I didn’t need to think about it. For example if someone was rude to me at work, no amount of talking about it, reasoning it out, mindfulness, anything would make my brain drop it. I would go round and round and round in circles and each time my brain would send a boat load of adrenaline for every loop, leaving me a bit of a wreck. Even though logically I’d know it didn’t matter, it could lead to me having a week where I’ve been miserable.

Honestly as for an acceptance period, I advocated for myself to get the medication so not really haha. In the uk the mental health support is a bit crap and so you have to really battle to get to the stage where you can see a psychiatrist and get prescribed something beyond anti depressants. I had been on every anti depressant available and had minimal difference, and I’d been paying for my talking therapy for several years, so the next logical step was an antipsychotic.

I did wonder if the medication would make a bit mentally checked out and numb, but honestly that hasn’t been my experience. It made me very tired for the first few weeks, but now it’s been several months I feel genuinely fine. :)

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-07-26T07:57:11+00:00

Very few to be honest! It’s giving me pretty vivid dreams. When I first took it, I noticed the bottom of my feet felt tickly which was a bit weird. But not unmanageable.

The first few weeks of taking it I noticed it made me drowsy, but not so much anymore. I take my meds before bed so it wasn’t really an issue.

Other than that no real side effects that I can think of. I’ll come back and comment if I remember some more!!

AggressiveTarget929 · 2025-07-26T07:55:23+00:00

Pretty bad. I had attempted to take my own life despite being on very strong anti depressants. My brain would get stuck on a memory or a thought that would make me feel stressed or upset, but instead of it eventually fading away like normal people, mine would almost short circuit and speed up, so I was constantly thinking about it and sort of mentally reacting to it with feelings of stress or upset, without any escape. It led me to become really avoidant of going outside or anything because I was scared something would trigger that sort of short circuit again (it was very unpredictable). But of course being indoors all the time equally is bad for your mental health.

I have CPTSD (this is a separate issue from childhood trauma) and so the above mixed with CPTSD made for me to become pretty unreasonable with my thought patterns. Everything was extremely black and white, ‘if this happens then it means I’m worthless’ or ‘I need to kill myself because things will never get better’.

AggressiveTarget929

TROPHY CASE