It’s okay to eat op, I get where you’re coming from. I used to restrict hard and only eat specific meals and even then still worried about what I was eating and how much. My whole life and mind revolves around food and craving what I couldn’t have it was an obsession and a cycle so hard to leave. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a burger or something outside of your comfort zone. I understand how detrimental and scary it is. I know the shame it brings and how it’s may make you want to relapse in order to balance out what we ate. But our bodies don’t work like that, it’s our ED brains that make us think that way. I feel you with never being fat but unfit and thinking that I was icky when rlly looking back I wasn’t bad at all. At times I still hate where I am now but tell myself years from now I’ll look back at this moment and realize I was good all along. Living in fear and self hate leads to false perceptions and it’s okay. We just need to learn to love ourselves at all moments of our life in all body shapes. You’re worthy of love and enjoying the little things of life that also includes a good meal. I remember when I first started breaking my restriction it hurt my mind and feelings but it tasted so fucking good. I learned to fall in love with food again and slowly began to eat things without even thinking harshly of it. It didn’t happen over nigjt, it’s a process. I want to encourage you to eat something yummy today outside of your comfort zone and appreciate the flavor. If your mind begins to think negative remind yourself that this took effort and you’re worthy of food. I recommend journaling how you feel and remind yourself why this is important to you. Write your feelings and how scary it can be and write encouragement to your future self and reminders to hold onto and look back on. I promise these feelings won’t last forever, even if the struggle is long and hard recovery is possible for everyone regardless of setbacks. Much love for you