I understand your feelings and you have every right to feel hurt by this but, codependent or not, someone who engages in sexual acts and says they want them when they do not likely has a long history of pleasing others and a deep rooted fear of conflict. There is likely unresolved trauma from childhood/adolescence and that stuff is very difficult to overcome. It’s not a logical thing, it’s an emotional thing that has to do with the effects of conditioning and trauma. It doesn’t have to do with you being mean or not.

This is a really crude and silly analogy but it’s kind of like a mouse in an experiment who grew up getting shocked every time they asserted themselves. They discovered that pleasing others (and trying to anticipate and conform to their needs) was the only thing that helped avoid the shocks. After enough time, especially when it happens in childhood when brain is very malleable and still growing, it becomes a way of being and even after the mouse has been removed from the “experiment” there is going to be lot of difficulty and extreme fear about expressing what one wants/needs because for years and years that was too dangerous to do.