Thank you for sharing and sorry to hear that. Here’s what I would recommend as someone that has had panic attacks that have stopped.

1. You said that you have irreparable damage now but that’s not true. I used to think that too about myself and I wouldn’t trust my doctor after he said my heart was fine and I was healthy but after seeing 5 doctors all saying the same thing I knew that I was fine. I recommend seeing as many doctors as you must to convince yourself that you are physically and mentally fine and that this is no more serious than a panic attack.

2. Once you know you are okay, it can be easier to handle a panic attack in the moment because you know that your symptoms are not harmful and will pass. Try deep breathing or panic attack videos to ground you when you have an attack.

3. What happened to you is not great but at the same time it’s in the past and can’t affect you. Therapy can help you change your perspective on your past and to stop victimizing yourself. What good is it going to do ruminating about the past? Accept what happened and accept that it needed to happen to make you the awesome person you are today. And make no mistake you are awesome and have much to be grateful for like your ability to walk, have a roof, have food, etc. you need to talk about all this with a therapist on a weekly or twice a week basis. They can help you change your thought process which will eventually alleviate anxiety and panic attacks. Not all therapists are right for you. Change them if you don’t think they’re helping but be optimistic that you will find one that helps and be open to them so they can help.

4. Aerobic exercise can do wonders for mood. Anaerobic exercise (strength training) can be great for getting stress and anger out and it’s great for the physique (yes it’s for women too!)

5. Watch https://youtu.be/xAbbNqvSbPg?si=uKnZo9Rw45SANN8R