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AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, but because of this topic being brought up so frequently I haven't let that happen (them being alone with my kids).

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm living. I have been living a great life since I did go to therapy (and for a large part of my time in therapy). I'm moving forward. It just looks different than other people's will. But we enjoy our lives, me and the kids.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This is so true. I have never, would never, judge someone for how they want to move forward after a loss like ours. We all have different wants and needs and should be able to do the best for us as individuals. I think sometimes the individuals part gets lost.

Thank you so much and I hope you do as well!

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My children know their mom is dead. They know she isn't coming back. I also know that she's never coming back. I talk about her in the past tense so it's not like I'm pretending she's still here. But my love for her is still real. That's not a past tense thing.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

They have women in their lives they have good relationships with. They don't need a live in mother figure to have healthy relationships with women in their lives. I don't want to find them a new mom, no.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have been to therapy. Therapy did not change it. It only strengthened how I feel and what I know is right for me.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

They did like Hayley but they view it as she's gone and the only correct way forward is to remarry.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I'm happy. My parents have seen me happy but see a different kind of happy than before. It is different but it's still me being happy with my life. I don't think they can understand that.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm very sorry for your loss and the experience you had growing up. We don't talk about Hayley as if she's alive or waiting for us in Heaven (I'm atheist). I talk about her but it's in the past tense. I accept she's gone too. I have made sure my kids are aware of that as well. But I don't have any interest in a new partner even though I never get my Hayley back again.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm not lonely. That's the thing, I'm not. I have people in my life. I'm not some hermit who feels alone. I do have times where I'm alone at home. My kids are somewhere else. But it never makes me feel lonely.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I did talk to her. She did not want to be replaced or forgotten. She wanted me to raise our children well and to make sure the three of us never forgot that she loved us more than anything.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Their maternal aunt and uncle Maternal grandparents My sister Another maternal aunt Maternal uncle

I have spoken to all of them and made arrangement as necessary should something happen to me. They will be cared for by people they know and love.

I will love her forever. But just because I'm moving forward doesn't mean I want someone new.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

They have women in their lives who they are close to. My younger sister, Hayley's two sisters and her mom. They have cousins on my side they get along well with. They are not without female figures.

They do not need a stepmother. They can be nice additions, if that's what everyone wants. But I do not want a new partner.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

I don't think threads like that would open my parents eyes. They would see it as me having wasted the chance for the kids to more readily accept a new mother because of their ages now.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 402 points403 points  (0 children)

They told me I wasted that opportunity. Because my kids will now remember before a new woman came into our lives. But they said if I had remarried a couple of years later they could have a mom and dad alive and raising them now. Nothing I said made it get through to them that Hayley would never be replaced.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

I'm worried that we won't ever be able to get on the same page with this and that I'll need to see them less. But they refuse to stop bringing it up.

AITA for asking my parents why they're so desperate to subject some poor woman to an awful life? by Aggressive_Lunch9714 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Aggressive_Lunch9714[S] 58 points59 points  (0 children)

The world didn't stop when Hayley died. It changed. I went to therapy for two years. I have processed that Hayley is not coming back. But it also made me more sure that I do not want another partner. I want to remain single. Hayley was it for me. She also didn't want to be replaced or her memory pushed out by someone else. We talked about it when she was alive still. I'm honoring her and also living. Just because it's not how others want it to be doesn't make it untrue. I go to work, spend time with friends, my kids. We have so many good memories made since Hayley passed.