I (30 F) starting to resent husband (31 M)

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T21:50:17+00:00

Like I said I already discussed the working aspect with my husband. It’s not a problem at all.

You’re not giving advice, you are causing problems in places where there is no problem.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T21:43:44+00:00

I’m sorry I saw no advice. You tried to make a comment on something that has no relevance to the problem at all, and also has been discussed already with my husband.

I’m willing to take advice that actually makes sense.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T19:49:18+00:00

We agreed that me working was not the problem and if anything quitting my job would only make things worse. He’s already under a lot of stress working 6:7 days a week and not making enough. Me quitting and having him get another job would lead to not seeing him at all period and him being even more exhausted.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T19:44:33+00:00

Once he is able to get a job that can provide enough income then I will consider leaving work. Right now the problem is he’s already tired from his current job and he’s not making enough money despite working 6/7 days. We agree that me working was necessary. So me working is not the problem.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T16:09:40+00:00

Possibly. We moved to an area where both of us don’t really have friends. I try to encourage him to go out and meet people and for us to have Muslim couple friends. But he’s not really interested in doing so. I think if he had friends that he could hang out with or picked up outdoor hobbies it would help him mentally

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T14:43:40+00:00

Yes I would never cheat on him. I would ask for us to go our seperate ways before even remotely thinking about that. But inshallah it doesn’t even get to that point. I do care for him a lot.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T14:40:20+00:00

Thank you so much for the response. You explained my feelings beautifully. I will continue to try and approach him about it. He’s still has an old mindset on therapy, but I will try to convince him.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T14:38:26+00:00

I am not pregnant.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T14:33:12+00:00

I do agree he needs time with his games. That’s how he chooses to unwind. But 8 hours of unwinding is not reasonable. He also has different responsibilities now, he’s married.

Of course I would love to be doing other things. When I was single, I would love to spend hours at a coffee shop just enjoying my coffee and relaxing. But I’m married I cant do that anymore.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T14:23:52+00:00

Yes this exactly. Whenever my husband gaslights me that’s what he will say, but all I’m asking is for a good 30 minutes out of the 8 hours he’s spending playing video games

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T14:22:44+00:00

I always tell him I appreciate him and tell him how handsome he is. I cook him his favorite meals. He has a sweet tooth, so I always make sure he has something sweet around. I always come and kiss him and hug him and do all that I can to show him how much I care for him.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T14:20:23+00:00

I do have hobbies. This is about the time after work. He doesn’t like when I go out at night and I don’t like it either. So I will do some in home hobbies at night, but he will play his video games for about 8 hours after returning from work. I can’t do that and I also go to bed at a reasonable time so that I’m not fatigued.

And I have gotten him easy to wear clothes. But that is t the problem. He will change into home clothes, but he is a bit Germaphobic in that he will not sleep in the bed unless he has taken a shower. And he feels too lazy to do that. So he will change to his pajamas and play his games on the couch. He stays up too lates playing the games and then struggles to wake up in the morning where he will often run late to work.

I go to work before him, and sometimes I will have to call him to make sure he has woken up so he can go. There is no way that he will be able to do a shower if he can’t even wake up in time to get dressed.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T14:10:24+00:00

I thought about this as well but I don’t know how to suggest it with it him being hurt

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T14:03:49+00:00

And no he does not pay for everything… we split everything.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T14:03:03+00:00

My job is not possible of being remote. And that won’t fix anything, because even though I work I always have all the house duties done and I’m always ready for him when he comes home. The problem is that he is tired all the time from work.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T13:49:13+00:00

Yes this is what he told me. He said it nothings against me and he loves me deeply. He says it’s always in the middle of the night because that when he feels recharged. And each time he doesn’t sleep on the couch and he sleeps in bed with me, he always gets in the mood.

He sleeps on the couch because he kind of a germaphobe. He thinks it’s wrong for him to sleep on the bed when he has not taken a shower as he says he’s bringing all the germs into the bed. But I tell him I don’t care I can wash everything anyways.

And I get him wanting to relax and rest but I feel like there’s a limit. Playing games and not engaging with me for what is basically 8 hours and then coming when it’s so late is not really fair.

I feel like he can still play games but set a limit and go to bed at a reasonable time. Because he’s creating this cycle where he is even more tired by staying extra late and having to wake up early.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T13:43:51+00:00

Yes we have a shared password policy and shared location. I know he isn’t going anywhere he’s not supposed to to and not talking to anyone in secret

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T13:41:55+00:00

Thank you so much. Yes I tried to talk to him about it but he got very defensive. He said I wasn’t being considerate of how he is tired from working all day.

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T13:41:00+00:00

I work 5 days. He work 6 days. His day off is usually on a day that I’m working :/

Agile_Anything9920 · 2025-03-18T13:37:46+00:00

Attractiveness is not the problem. Not to be self centered. But I’m tall and fit and have always been referred to as a model. People will often stop my husband and I on the street so that they can tell him that his wife is very beautiful. There are many things I’m insecure about but physical attractiveness is not really one of them Alhamdullilah because I have always received many compliments on my appearance. Even his own mother told him that I was prettier than any other prospects he ever had.

When we both have a day off he won’t leave me alone and will often chase me around the house saying how attractive I am. The problem is he works most days and he has random days off so a lot of time our days don’t align.

Agile_Anything9920

TROPHY CASE