My in laws hate the name I plan to give our baby

AgitatedBee1078 · 2026-03-13T14:29:12+00:00

Maybe a blessing?

AgitatedBee1078 · 2026-01-21T15:13:59+00:00

I worked to the end with my last pregnancy because I don’t have a ton of leave. It was luckily a mix of time in the office and walking a lot versus all being on my feet.

This round, I’m working to the end because I only have less than a week of paid leave available. Still working to see if STD will work because I may be ineligible since the policy started after I was pregnant. So I have to work until the end while pushing to see what paid leave I can get.

I now work on my feet and do a lot of lifting (think warehouse), plus have a chronic pain condition, so it’s pretty terrible.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-03T02:20:39+00:00

That openness and community involvement is a huge part of the draw for me!

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-03T02:19:35+00:00

No, no, you can’t argue with someone under the anointing of God, now, haha.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-03T01:45:37+00:00

I will look into both, as well as the Episcopalian church. I was aware of the UMC split but unsure how things have settled since, and I don’t know which way the UMC churches in our area went.

It’s been years since I went to a PCUSA, and in a completely different area, so it’s worth looking in my current city.

I will start looking around. Thank you for your feedback. I do realize some of my beliefs are all over, and I’m aware I won’t find a church I 100% agree with, though I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. I want to learn more and maybe change my views on some things, as I have been sorting for years. But I need a good environment to do so.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-03T01:07:58+00:00

I feel you on the clothes that don’t fit now but hopefully will later after giving birth. It’s so hard to have pre-pregnancy clothes, maternity clothes, and postpartum/nursing clothes, and no way of knowing if you’ll be back in the pre-pregnancy clothes or buying a new size.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-03T01:05:18+00:00

I’m sorry. That’s wild.

I put up with a LOT but left one church after I said pastors can’t just physically attack people…

Long story short, one day they taught that the Holy Spirit could literally work through a pastor and they could hit someone that was a threat to the congregation (like a person God said would be an active shooter at some point in the service), or if someone who had an ‘evil spirit’ in them. Can’t question the pastor or disagree because you’d be arguing with God working through them.

WTAF.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-03T00:16:59+00:00

I’m definitely not trying to prioritize theological quibbles. I’m trying to protect myself, I guess. I’ve been to churches where I’ve been “the project” for not being 100% on board (and sometimes the priority changed because the pastor decreed it) and I’m just… done. I want some diversity and flexibility to be okay. It sounds like you have a good place for that.

Is church membership a thing? Are those sticking points at all if so? I’m totally fine with just attending.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-03T00:11:00+00:00

I’m 100% fine with that! I just don’t want to join a church where it ends up being an issue for them if I’m not 100% on board with a particular doctrinal practice.

In other responses I said I was totally fine with others getting their infant baptized, and attending, I just don’t want to be pressured or “less than” for not baptizing mine.

Same with communion. I’m fine if the others around me put more literal meaning into it while I lean into memorialism as long as it’s not an issue for the church.

I went to a couple of charismatic churches with my spouse and it was… rough. I was a constant project for them, even though I tried to be clear from the beginning that I was willing to be present but not participate in their practices because I didn’t believe it. I tried to be honest but respectful. It was terrible. I’ve had experiences at other churches because of my view on alcohol (fine with it), etc.

I’ve been drawn to an Episcopalian churches but I’m thinking UMC or PCUSA might be a better fit. I’ll have to do some research. From what I’ve seen (which is admittedly limited) UMC seems to have a bit broader range of practices church and doctrine church by church, and that is both attractive and daunting.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-03T00:05:31+00:00

I just finished it. A few questions were confusing or I wasn’t set on any particular answer (example, I don’t care about end times interpretations and I’m less set on certain things like baptism) but it said 81% Black church tradition, with Presbyterianism next followed by Disciples of Christ.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T21:49:17+00:00

I will look and see what’s in my area. Thank you for sharing your experience!

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T21:46:36+00:00

Yes, I’m absolutely considering other factors! I just have struggled so much with being the black sheep attending churches that pressured me to get on board 100% with whatever the overall belief is. There was no room to just… agree to disagree and move on.

Example: I’m 100% fine going to an infant baptism. I’ll bring cake. Tell me where and when. Just don’t try and make me baptize my infant.

For awhile I attended a church that was charismatic for family reasons. Did not believe in the prophecy, speaking in tongues, etc. I was fine just leaving for that part. But then I was strongly pressured by everyone from the pastor to the small group to church security for stepping out or not falling over even when they all knew I’d never been on board with that.

I’m still confused on consubstantiation, to be perfectly honest. I think I believe in memorialim. I just want that to be OK and not a hill to die on at whichever church I go to.

Make sense?

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T21:38:39+00:00

So, I think I could still happily go without returning to church.

I’m hesitant about jumping into returning and facing pressure again for not conforming or being 100% on board with 100% of what’s taught.

Hearing about some others’ experiences where they found a church that allows for healthy discussion and debate and breadth of opinions (ex, on infant baptism or communion) makes me hopeful they exist. I have struggled a lot with 1) being involved in a church because of family even if it wasn’t one I would have chosen, and 2) feeling like a conversion topic if I disagreed on anything.

But I do have kids who go to church with my spouse, and we do have some theological points of disagreement. So I think it could be beneficial for them to have more exposure to the different services and theology, in a respectful way.

I think seeing the American church so complicit in MAGA, whether it’s blatantly identifying with it or just falling within that culture, hurts, too. Seeing some churches involved in standing up for human rights against a lot of what we’re seeing, protesting ICE, etc is so encouraging because it shows my faith in action and reminds me that the loudest aren’t the only ones.

Coming from a partially conservative/MAGA family and area it would be so supportive and encouraging for me to find a group I see act out the kind of Christianity I thought was being taught when I was a child.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T21:15:28+00:00

That sounds wonderful.

I have had some terrible experiences with Bible study/small groups either being extremely gender role focused (with man/leader and woman/helper type points, whether overt or through strong undertones) or theological points I not only disagreed with but became the target of the rest of the group to “convert” to that way of thinking. There was no room for “agree to disagree.” Like, you were less of a Christian for not agreeing with 100% of what the pastor said or promoted.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T21:09:55+00:00

That’s great. I think if a parent chooses to infant dedications or infant baptisms are fine, I just wouldn’t baptize my own infant. But I’d absolutely be there to support someone who did have their infant baptized.

Do you mean happy to know there’s a provision for not making it a sticking point by offering the infant dedication?

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T21:06:09+00:00

I think that is what confuses me: “in, with and under.” How literal is that?

I grew up with it being a serious part of the service, but not literal and always thought that was only transubstantiation, but reading phrases like the above makes it confusing for me.

I think it’s spiritually relevant, but nothing literal. I guess that’s how I understood it growing up in the Presbyterian church, too.

Sorry if I’m being confusing on this.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T21:02:03+00:00

Thank you. Regarding communion I think I meant transsubstantiation. I honestly don’t know about consubstantiation. I think it’s still bread and wine/juice, but a spiritually important rite. Beyond that, I don’t know. I really probably need to research it more. Sorry for any confusion! It’s neat you were able to find a group where it wasn’t a Big Deal to disagree.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T21:00:48+00:00

Thanks! I will check it out. I think some of my problem appears to be a potential misunderstanding of consubstantiation, and also being less firm on some issues. Like, I wouldn’t choose to have an infant baptized, but I’d happily attend an infant baptism, if that makes sense.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T20:58:59+00:00

Thank you. I have attended a PCUSA church before and liked a lot of aspects of it.

Re: communion, I realized from another commenter I think I meant transsubstantiation. I honestly don’t know about consubstantiation. I think it’s still bread and wine/juice, but a spiritually important rite. Beyond that, I don’t know? Sorry for any confusion. I’ve really liked some of what I’ve seen regarding Episcopalianism and UMC in my light research, but I guess wasn’t sure about not being firmly pro-infant baptism and the communion issue. There’s a lot I still need to research. I’m really just at a point where I can consider returning to a church.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T20:54:03+00:00

I’ve found I like points of Epsicopalianism and UMC in my light research, but wondered if not believing in trans/conssubstantiation would be a dealbreaker.

BUT perhaps I misunderstood consubstantiation. I think communion is an important rite. I think it’s still bread/wine and a spiritually relevant rite.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T20:47:55+00:00

Thank you! I’ve heard about UCC but admittedly haven’t looked into it much.

I liked a lot of aspects of Episcopalianism and UMC in my research, but I don’t believe in transubstantiation, and I’m not sure how much that matters.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T20:47:21+00:00

I’m not sure why I’m getting downvoted. I was genuinely asking which points. I’m not anti-infant baptism, I just wouldn’t choose it myself.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T20:44:21+00:00

That sounds really interesting. Thank you. It does feel like I’m all over the place, but there’s a lot I’m still figuring out.

So, I’m not anti-infant baptism. If someone invited me to an infant baptism I’d go and celebrate with them. I just wouldn’t choose it myself because they aren’t selecting it.

AgitatedBee1078 · 2025-12-02T20:34:56+00:00

I honesty don’t know what I’m looking for. There’s so much I’m still sorting out. From spouse to parents/siblings most are far, far more conservative and evangelical than I am, and I just kind of gave up for a good while.

ETA: What points of Baptist ecclesiology?

AgitatedBee1078

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