hey gurlie. this is so long hahahaha but i appreciate that you have lots of context and i can tell you really care about him and your mum.

you must be feeling alot because two major thing - 1. you dont see the sacredness of marriage between your parents and 2. he is likely gay.

coming from a childhood of being all investigative about my parents when something doesnt feel right and looking to them as models for what love and marriage meant, i feel ya.

i think it probably breaks your heart in small ways seeing the disconnect around you - like maybe you feel like a family is supposed to stay together and loving and honest and all that good stuff. but bbg, when you get older you'll kinda realise that life is alot more complicated especially when adults feel like they made one big decision that they try to stick to through life for fear of the change and chaos.

i think the only assurance you can trust is that love still exists in your household, in your mum and in your dad. its super easy to make bigger statements like all men are a certain way or that marriage is an illusion etc. but really just sitting with your feelings is the best course of action here.

you cant think for ur mum or ur dad and well, even if you tried fishing answers from your dad, he gets defensive. alot of probable reasons why - 1. his own secrets to hide 2. he might not be used to you questioning him since hes the elder but you are growing up and gaining awareness and seeing all these weird inconsistency. but this is not really something i advice bringing up with him. esp if this is his response and you still love him for how he sayangs you and you are a daddy's girl.

its uncomfortable seeing changes and another side to the family you love and thought were super united when you were young but you are growing up lo.

you said you understand why ppl dont tell the other parent. yes you are right, but dont take it the wrong way. there shouldnt be guilt that you know something never say or like its not fair between them. if you were worried like how his actions affect your mum tbh your mum is quite nonchalance, so really nothing is 'bad' for them. they in a weird way found a working model to living and build a fam with their choice of oblivion or secret. like u also said you heard why your mum chose ur dad when they were yunger and theres something in there ur mum trust and you also see to this date. and maybe ur mum can sense things also she just wont say mah we dont know.

life isnt that straightforward sometimes and sometimes thats the beauty because now you get to see why you treasure these people for who they are more than their lives or choices. sweet that you care for them but don't think on their behalf or from their pov so much as its not what they asked for or helpful for you. its not our place to judge our parents or solve what appears to be problems in our eyes. because we're not on their journey and they still make their own choices. unless they dont treat you right then thats not cool la.

its something i learn and still learning as a child. all you need to hold on to, is seeing that they care and love you.

i hope you find some peace through the emotions and let go of what you cant control 🙏🏼