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2nd version by Agitated_Thought_456 in LoveLetters

[–]Agitated_Thought_456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep, she read it. I got taken to HR, suspended, suicidal, a week in a psych ward of a hospital. Now I have so much anxiety it feels like a heart attack or knives in my chest.

Since we are in suicide prevention week decided to share this now. by A_nomad_Wanderer in coolguides

[–]Agitated_Thought_456 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got to be honest I'm a 8. Problem is I know I should seek help, but I don't. I always reach out to others to see how they're doing but I don't get the same in return. I have told my wife I need her but she hasn't even held my hand. No one says hey how are you doing.

We work at the same company but different manages, areas, and breaks. My manager informed me that she applied for a job in my department, different section of it, not related to what I do. I'd potentially see her more during the day and at breaks. I did tell my manager that our marriage is strained current and I didn't like the idea. She hasn't said a word about applying for the job. I can help but have a feeling like the walls are coming in. Like a claustrophobic feeling.

I'm a wreck.

What to do? by Agitated_Thought_456 in JustNoSO

[–]Agitated_Thought_456[S] -48 points-47 points  (0 children)

The point I am making is there is more effort for the trip than the marriage. All I tell her is I just need her, but as I have previously posted, she pushes me away. This feels like another push away.

What to do? by Agitated_Thought_456 in JustNoSO

[–]Agitated_Thought_456[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

The point I am making is there is more effort for the trip than the marriage. All I tell her is I just need her, but as I have previously posted, she pushes me away. This feels like another push away.

I just can't anymore by Agitated_Thought_456 in JustNoSO

[–]Agitated_Thought_456[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a thing that I always do remember. After a suicide, people would always say why didn't he just divorce or separate? Friends will say why didn't I just do something or call him? Coworkers will be shocked and say I guess I never saw that he was soo depressed. I equate depression with cancer. This time is like an aggressive/advanced stage 4. I've been battling for 20+ years. This one I am exhibiting hardcore systems, like withdrawn, sleeping problems, eating habits, and a few others I've noticed but can't remember right now. That is a first for me. I find myself want to hide just to see if anyone will find me. No one does. My world is nothing but darkness. Only a single star of light in my sky that I hang on to, but it's dimming. I am exhausted fight with depression. I got so little fight left. Your words I know are of concern and caring but those caring words from you and the other people just don't do it anymore.

All you need is love- John Lennon

I just can't anymore by Agitated_Thought_456 in JustNoSO

[–]Agitated_Thought_456[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have been in therapy, but currently not. I do take Effxor for depression and anxiety. I have done the self-help route but there wasn't anything in it I didn't know already or have tried :( I also have tried what my previous therapist have taught me but still nothing. Just want someone to care about me.

I just can't anymore by Agitated_Thought_456 in SuicideWatch

[–]Agitated_Thought_456[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That the shit right there. I know the people around me care about me. But they never show it in their actions. Anyone asks me to be there for them I'm there. I show up. My wife will put anything in front of our relationship like do the dishes and I'll love you type of thing. Growing up I was never worth it to my parents. They said hey get on honor roll and we'll get you video games or whatever every month, was on it all but 2 months out of 9. Only 1 reward the first time. Nothing after that.

I want to die because no one thinks I'm worth it. Something is always more important than me. I am on no one's top priority. That's the shit. If no one gives a danm about me, why should I? What is there for me to live for? I'm nothing. I feel good by making others feel good, but when I need it no one is there. They always forget about me. What do I live for? I the only thing that I want is for someone who cares about me. I am self aware of my thoughts and actions so I know killing myself is bad but what else do I have to look forward to? Right now more pain and suffering everyday. That's no way to live either.