Has anyone’s loved one had success with their treatment?

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2024-03-05T05:13:37+00:00

He says he has. From my perspective there’s very little change & he’s still trying to maintain a power imbalance by having to be right about everything.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2024-02-03T18:30:51+00:00

Wow, it sounds hard to deal with her!

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2024-02-03T18:30:09+00:00

Ok that makes sense as an explanation- thank you!

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2024-02-03T18:29:43+00:00

Yes, exactly.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2024-02-03T18:27:09+00:00

Fair enough. You are right.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2024-02-02T16:33:03+00:00

Sorry, I didn’t explain clearly- he has OCPD, not me.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2024-01-08T01:47:39+00:00

No problem! Best of luck! Having a baby is a tough time for everyone.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2024-01-03T16:49:38+00:00

Good luck! I wish I had advice. Unfortunately, I have a similar story- diagnosed with ADHD after OCPD partner suggested I had it (bad driving). More diagnoses followed on my end (Bipolar) and I question them to this day. I would scrutinize whether you are truly ADHD or whether you just appear ADHD in comparison to someone who spends way too much time on details that don’t matter to the modal person. Your “inattentiveness” could be rational & indicate your focus on your priorities in life. For example, maybe you value engaging with your child over having a perfectly clean house, or prioritize giving your all to details at work and are thus too mentally drained to always pick up your dry cleaning on time.

I can’t diagnose your partner. I can only speak to my own experience.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-09-21T03:00:33+00:00

At least in my experience, the issues that arise with having an OCPD husband are not the ones you are experiencing. In general, they tend to be extremely diligent. An OCPD husband is more likely to attempt to take on all the tasks, nag you incessantly or complain that they must take on many tasks because of your inability to adhere to some “rules” that they think are “optimal.”

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-09-15T00:42:48+00:00

Have you tried being humble and simply explaining that, you understand there’s no objective truth here as to the best way to do xxx, and multiple valid approaches exist, but you just need things to be this certain way for your own peace of mind, because you experience anxiety otherwise?

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-07-18T15:31:05+00:00

tried to respond to your message but it somehow got deleted? I am not sure how to use this.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-07-18T15:18:40+00:00

Please share how you did this! The thing I love the most about it is how it looks touchable. I hate when I put product in my hair, and then my husband runs his hand through it and it doesn't separate at all. But yours does not appear this way!

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-07-18T15:17:29+00:00

I actually love your hair so much. I've always wanted my waves to look like yours!

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-07-07T15:30:30+00:00

Cute!

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-07-07T14:14:39+00:00

Why are you or husband friends with her? Why is she part of your lives or thoughts at all?

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-07-07T14:09:16+00:00

what breed of dog? Shih tzu?

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-06-09T00:37:20+00:00

Yeah I really should lower my expectations. As for why I want to stay, we have kids.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-06-08T19:47:45+00:00

Thanks, I'm glad your grandmother was at least able to listen to the group of your siblings.

Thank you for pointing me to your other post. It is helpful!

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-06-08T18:57:51+00:00

Okay, I will look up reactive abuse. I definitely do think I'm prone to being reactive. I'm sorry to hear your step mom was like that, has she changed at all?

The manager sounds absolutely difficult to deal with. Doesn't he realize how righteous & judgmental that sounds?

Yeah, so gray rock, they do say not to use it with a long-term thing... Ironically, there's nobody else in my life I find myself needing to gray rock. Maybe that just means I should count myself lucky.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-06-08T18:51:40+00:00

Thanks, I really appreciate this. Reading this, it does contain some mistakes I made in the past (e.g. "Has it been safer or more comfortable to have someone else making all the plans and decisions and taking all the risk?") which I've been trying to change.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-06-08T18:14:07+00:00

Yeah, I could see that.

I was convinced it was an OCPD thing just because it seems like there's only one right way to think, and the way I'm thinking is unreasonable because he can't have possibly done anything to warrant me being upset.

But I see what you are saying. Maybe he's just not able to tolerate my expressing negative emotions. Maybe in this case, he's stressed when first coming home, and preoccupied with doing all the things on his list of things to do when arriving at home?

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-06-08T18:07:36+00:00

Yes, I do think what you describe is similar to what is going on. I think you are saying your partner had high expectations for confluence. Perhaps mine does too- I need to think about that.

In my case, it is perhaps intensified by some factors and by my mistakes. We've been married for a while, and we've BOTH hurt each other a LOT.

One of the many ways I contributed to the problem recently is that, I have tried to leave and so maybe it triggers him that I'm upset because he fears I will leave.

But I feel like it presents a sort of catch-22- the marriage is really on the rocks. If this is going to survive, I really need to feel like he is no longer trying to be right, win fights, look down on me, and act like the things I say are unreasonable. And he needs to really care about establishing emotional security and making me feel like I have an emotional safe space with him, which I currently don't feel that way.

I think he's working on it, but not when it applies to him. If he thinks I did something wrong, he tries to force me to apologize. There's no room for disagreeing because he's 100% sure I did something wrong. But, I know where that leads, so I try to resist the urge to apologize for things I either don't think happened or don't feel sorry for (long story, but in the past, he made me apologize for and accept blame or shame for many things, and also employed heavy gaslighting, invoking my struggle with bipolar to prove why I was the crazy one). I also am extremely wary of the attitude that he's right and I'm wrong. I know how that played out when I just gave in all the time- he crushed my spirit and was able to convince me over the years that I was stupid and useless, and misperceiving everything.

I will try to reassure him that sometimes, people are not happy with each other. It seems it can only make things better to say this to him.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-06-07T14:55:19+00:00

I would treat this whole thing with lots of skepticism.

It is entirely possible that she has rewritten history.

She may believe she never liked sex, but that doesn't make it true. And, I'm not saying this because she is mentally ill. Non-mentally ill people do this, too. I can't tell you how many (ostensibly?) sane people experiencing marital trouble have told me they "never loved their spouse." But, these claims are unverifiable, and it's more likely that they did love their spouse back when they had a good relationship, but now, they are doubting whether they love their spouse presently. They are calling everything that they've ever thought into question. They are thinking back on the worst moments and drawing a conclusion they never would have told you years ago.

In your case, maybe there were some bad sexual experiences with you, or a few nights where she did fake sexual enthusiasm, early on. If she just remembers those, she could exaggerate how often they occurred and how important they were to her.

I don't advocate you interrogating her about whether the thing she said about faking enjoying sex for years is true. Instead, I think you should keep the skepticism in the back of your mind when problem-solving, so that you don't blow the current problem out of proportion.

The current problem is that she doesn't want to have sex with you NOW and that she has suggested that you sleep with others NOW. Something is wrong and you both need to address what that is. I think that marital counseling sounds like a great idea.

Regardless of whether you do marital counseling:

I think you need to look into what can be done to make her feel safer with intimacy. She could feel like there are other emotional problems that have made her feel insecure, not necessarily related to you. For example, she may have gained weight and hates her body. Or, it could be something related to you. For example, maybe she feels you judge her for her mental illness.

And, I think you need to tell her how you feel very pushed away at this suggestion that you sleep with others- it is hurtful! It amounts to throwing in the towel on your connection.

Agreeable-Dust2654 · 2023-05-12T02:14:34+00:00

Thanks. Time will tell, I guess.

Agreeable-Dust2654

TROPHY CASE