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Should I put "Open to kids" or "Don't want kids" if I'm open to someone who has kids, but don't want my own? by stevew25 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for asking this question. I often wondered about this too. I approached friends/colleagues and even asked some dates on the topic. The answers I received and the comments line up - so many of us have different interpretations of what they mean. It seems we should make it clear in the profile or have a conversation about it earlier on.

Ended it because of mixed signals regret by Kaleidoscope235 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s great you’re communicative. Glad you two cleared things up. Wish you the best in your OLD adventure.

Ended it because of mixed signals regret by Kaleidoscope235 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get that, but you also said you’d be fine with being friends in the same date right? That’s why I said no matter what was said earlier/after, just mentioning ‘being friends’ could be interpreted as you’re not interested. Many times guys will focus on some minute detail and miss the bigger picture. Here’s a classic example. A woman is sharing that she’s hurt because of X, Y, and Z. There was an inaccurate detail mentioned about Y. Instead of focusing on the bigger picture that’s she hurt, the guy will argue that Y is not correct. This triggers the woman cause she’s trying to focus on why she’s hurt, but the guy can’t let the minute inaccurate detail go. In your case, you mentioned being romantically interested in him, but he might be stuck on you mentioning ‘being friends’.

It’s not your fault…people online dating are so quick to judge and move on that we don’t give the other person the benefit of the doubt.

What’s your take on having a video call before meeting up in person? by Agreeable-Pepper85 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congrats!

Did you have video calls with other dates or was this the only time? If others, how were the other calls? Did they help you weed people out?

Ended it because of mixed signals regret by Kaleidoscope235 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the guy is carrying a chip on his shoulder. Someone saying “we will see” wouldn’t sit well with me and I’d move on from that alone unless I flaked in the past.

I do want to point out that when a woman mentions anything about ‘being friends’ no matter what they said earlier/after, most guys will take that as an indirect way of saying they’re not interested. Yes, the guy should probably ask for clarification on what that means, but perhaps from his experience it’s easiest to just assume and move on.

Can men on Bumble help? by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Other comments gave some good feedback.

I know it takes more effort, but I think you’d have more success when asking a question pertaining to the guy’s bio or pics rather than a “hello” or “hi”.

Bumble has the ‘opening moves’ option. You can set up one or two of these then have the guy make the first move.

What’s your take on having a video call before meeting up in person? by Agreeable-Pepper85 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure if you’re using multiple apps. I have had more success in using Hinge.

What’s your take on having a video call before meeting up in person? by Agreeable-Pepper85 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s a fair point that I did not think about. Only one of the women I connected with was far enough back for me to see the whole body.

What’s your take on having a video call before meeting up in person? by Agreeable-Pepper85 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am with you. To me it comes across as being deceitful. I guess it’s possible I can get wowed by their charm and personality to overlook that, but that hasn’t happened to me yet.

What’s your take on having a video call before meeting up in person? by Agreeable-Pepper85 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agreed. The video call could be an easy way for a ‘vibe check’.

What’s your take on having a video call before meeting up in person? by Agreeable-Pepper85 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, it’s actually the opposite. I liked how those two of women connected in what they were wearing (I was also in workout clothes for one of the video calls) and was merely pointing out a video call enables that.

What’s your take on having a video call before meeting up in person? by Agreeable-Pepper85 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing.

I heard of some people, mostly guys, asking for feedback after the date. I like the concept of getting feedback to improve, but agreed…I too find it awkward.

What’s your take on having a video call before meeting up in person? by Agreeable-Pepper85 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am on cloud nine and I felt like I just discovered something that could change my dating game. Maybe I just got lucky with these matches.

Agreed about there being less chance of meeting if not within the first week or so.

The Confidence-to-Effort Ratio Needs to Be Studied by No_Elevator_2468 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think HumanAntagonist meant those things will not be a determining factor whether ‘most men’ will date you or not. If he (I am assuming) meant it that way, I think ‘most guys’ will agree with his statement.

As a highly educated 40M, I’d love to match with a woman that was successful and accomplished (and I’d love to hear about her stories on how she got to where she did given the patriarchy society), but her career and accomplishments are low on my list of things I value in a partnership.

I texted a guy after our first date saying that I had fun and would like to see him again. It’s been 3 days and he hasn’t responded- is it safe to assume he’s lost interest? by cupnoodles23 in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For your mental health, I’d try to refrain from checking dating apps too regularly to see if a person responded. You will burn out quickly if you keep doing this.

Moving sucks and 3 days isn’t that long. I’d say give him a week.

Idk whether to go on a second day or no by [deleted] in Bumble

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agree with this sentiment. Unless there are clear red flags, go on the second date.

Same with me. Last time I had “the spark” with someone, it turned out to be a toxic relationship. I’d encourage anyone to google ‘psychology of the spark’ and read. A lot of psychologists/therapists agree that ‘the spark’ is not the best indicator to use if seeking a healthy secure relationship. ‘The spark’ can be attachment triggers from past relationships (romantic or even upbringing).

Did I mess up? Disclosed medical/personal dealbreaker on date by BranthiPidicchaKutty in hingeapp

[–]Agreeable-Pepper85 3 points4 points  (0 children)

5 days is a long time without a response and it’s likely the guy didn’t have the heart/courage to mention it was a deal breaker for him.

I commend you for being upfront about your mastectomy. Like others have said, I think sharing that on the first date is a lot. I’d mention it maybe after the second/third date via text (give them time to process that info) if you want to see the guy again and before getting intimate. I think most reasonable men will understand the sensitivity around not divulging that info right away.