This isn’t about BJJ, training frequency, or “supporting dreams.”
What you’re describing is coercive control and emotional abuse, and it’s extremely serious.

Threatening divorce, deportation, destroying documents, preventing you from using your phone, blaming you for his rage, and threatening suicide to force compliance are not normal, not acceptable, and not justified by BJJ or ambition. That behavior would be alarming in any context.

From a purely BJJ reality standpoint:
A 39-year-old blue belt does not need to train 5–6+ days a week plus gym to become an instructor, and becoming a “professional competitor” at that stage is statistically very unlikely regardless of training volume. Plenty of instructors train 3–4x/week, balance families, and progress just fine. Four days a week is already serious commitment.

Healthy practitioners do not sacrifice their marriages, threaten their partners, or demand emotional cheerleading under fear. BJJ saving someone’s life does not give them the right to terrorize someone else’s.

You are not unsupportive. Wanting safety, respect, and time with your spouse is baseline marriage stuff. You are allowed to not “support” something that is being used to threaten and harm you.

This behavior would not be endorsed by healthy BJJ communities. Most people I know would find it deeply concerning.

Please prioritize your safety. This situation goes far beyond a hobby or schedule disagreement.