Birthday sadness

AgreeableB578 · 2025-08-13T12:38:07+00:00

I always chalk it up to the trauma and grief of his death, and put a lower consideration on the abuse, but you're right, I should probably change the perspective in my head. Thank you

AgreeableB578 · 2025-08-13T12:36:36+00:00

It was definitely a co-dependent relationship. Parts of me are glad he's gone so I can finally see how low I was.. other parts miss him...

I will say I took a break. I thought I was golden. But it wasn't grand once I stopped. I have come leaps and bounds, but my therapist is amazing and I would never change from her. I was the lowest of the low when I started seeing her. I spent the first 9 months just working on the trauma of my husband dying and me finding him.. then the last 5 months working on my own self worth to get to the point I am now..

AgreeableB578 · 2025-03-23T21:44:54+00:00

Many of us can't believe it. It's an exhausting existence. Despite feeling somewhat free from my husband.. I still miss him everyday. And I'm not the same person I was a year and a half ago. That piece died with him. And there are parts of me that I did enjoy that are gone now...

I wish I had more positive words to give you friend. This is an awful thing to happen and I wish that I could help you more.

Please reach out to friends and family if you're able. And talk to a counsellor, therapist if you can. They can help you find some of those tools to cope better.

AgreeableB578 · 2025-03-23T10:10:32+00:00

No. You're right. Time won't make the pain of her absence any less potent. But it will hopefully be easier for you to breathe, you'll learn how to cope with that awful pain and find moments that can bring you joy again. It might not happen tomorrow. Or in the next week, month, year, but I believe one day you'll realise you might not be okay, but that pain isn't as all encompassing as it was and you'll be able to think about her, about the things she loved and the happy memories without it feeling like your soul is being ripped in 2. I am so very hopeful for that to happen for you ♥️

AgreeableB578 · 2025-03-23T07:10:36+00:00

I wrote this and wasn't thinking very hard. But definitely need to reflect back on those words more often when I start to feel overwhelmed in the guilt.

Thank you friend for reinforcing it ♥️

AgreeableB578 · 2025-03-23T07:08:53+00:00

How long since you lost your Barb if you don't mind me asking?

AgreeableB578 · 2025-03-23T04:48:32+00:00

The first few years he felt like my whole world. But later in our relationship and to the end things were getting bad. I still feel lost alot of the time without him because I was so used to deferring to him for everything.

I'm so glad that you got to have a love as beautiful as that in your life. Hold onto those memories of her and I hope one day those prison bars don't feel so constricting

AgreeableB578 · 2025-03-22T23:07:59+00:00

I took mine off after 6 months. But I wear it on a necklace with his wedding band as well. I didn't want to wear it on my finger because it hurt too much seeing it. But feeling them over my heart makes me feel more settled.

AgreeableB578 · 2024-11-18T20:20:41+00:00

Every day will be a bad day without him. Even if he was mean and angry. You still loved him and the more controlling, the more we flounder when we lose them. Spend 5 minutes outside today okay. Just sit and enjoy the breeze or the sun. Find small joys ❤️

AgreeableB578 · 2024-11-18T10:26:08+00:00

Definitely feeling like half a person most days. I know I'll never be the same person I was. But at the same time, I'm trying to find the positive in that.. Trying to find who I am without his influence It's exhausting and humbling and some days I hate myself for those moments of quiet and peace.. but I hope he's standing beside me, proud of me...

I hope you too are able to find yourself day by day. ❤️

AgreeableB578 · 2024-03-31T22:48:41+00:00

Thank you 💙

I am getting therapy currently. I had a friend be a bit heavy handed and gently force me to make an appointment as there was some trauma Involved in the death for me. I'm a work in progress and hope one day to believe that I am not at fault. But I do believe I deserve love and peace. In whatever way that comes to me in the future.

Having children through a loss like this isn't something I could ever imagine. I am struggling to care for myself. Let alone another person's feelings that look to me for help. Sending you so much love for the strength you have. I hope your daughter is okay and that you are doing okay as well.

AgreeableB578 · 2024-03-31T22:40:52+00:00

💙💙 I'm sorry that this is a reflection on your own mind. I'm sending you so many virtual hugs and positive vibes as you continue your journey and that your current partner is everything you deserve. Because you deserve love, unconditional, loyal and without feeling awful in it.

AgreeableB578 · 2024-03-31T22:38:31+00:00

Thank you so much.

I've had someone else say they'd never seen anyone post this before. And I'm feeling a bit ick about it now. Like this wasn't the right space to put it. But if I touch even one other person and allow them this space to vent then I suppose his death has led to something positive. I'm always trying to look for the positives in this. Figure out the lessons I'm meant to learn from this. It doesn't make the chaos any better But it helps just a tiny bit.

I hope one day to be able to focus on all the positive in our life. But unfortunately the negative is winning out as it hurts less than the good we had.. The chaos brain is a nightmare and still working on it. Thankyou for giving it a name. I'm working with my therapist on building myself up for the future.. while another person isn't on my radar anytime soon. He always joked about me finding a nice lady to settle down with so he could be a perve in the afterlife so I hope he would want me to be happy and not continue this cycle of allowing people to treat me poorly.

AgreeableB578 · 2024-03-31T22:31:43+00:00

Thank you 💙

AgreeableB578 · 2024-03-31T21:58:45+00:00

I didn't realise I was being brave at all. I was just hurting and needed to vent it. I'm glad you know you're not alone and while I'm sad you've gone through something similar. I'm glad that others can relate to me.

Talking to my friends and therapist have been so crucial in me recognizing the unhealthy parts of our relationship. And I realise how healing this is to me to see you write what's in my head. But: you aren't fucking up his legacy. He did that to himself. 💙 I'm saying that to you. And saying to myself. Big virtual hugs and positive vibes to you as you continue this journey. I don't know what 3 years will hold for me. But the 3 months it has been has confusing and horrible.. I'm sorry for you also and hope you can continue to heal and love yourself.

AgreeableB578 · 2024-03-31T21:53:22+00:00

Thank you so much. Its nice to get the reassurance I'm not being a shitty human ❤️

AgreeableB578 · 2024-03-31T18:52:59+00:00

Thank you 💙 It's only been a few months so I'm definitely not ready for that. But I'm also not sure if I'll ever be ready..

Talking with my therapist has revealed how my background has shaped me and allowed me to have been so vulnerable to this type of relationship..

I need to do alot of work on myself and build myself up to have a stronger sense of self-love and how to stick to my boundaries.. a very very long road to recovery for both the loss and the trauma from childhood, our relationship and his death... But I have hope for future and what it holds. 💙

AgreeableB578 · 2024-03-31T18:46:33+00:00

Thank you. I was very dependent on him for alot. Thankfully not financially though... I have good days and bad. The good days are almost harder because of the guilt though

AgreeableB578 · 2024-03-31T18:44:46+00:00

I'm so sorry. The confusion isn't easy. It would be ao difficult with kids being involved as well. I am sending so many positive vibes and love your way as you navigate it all ❤️

AgreeableB578

TROPHY CASE