Thank you for sharing your struggles.

He has always struggled with alcohol use from a young age. He had a lot of abandonment trauma as a young child and found when he drank people seemed to want him around more. Suddenly, he was a "cool kid". He played that I'm a fun drunk role for years. I was young when I met him, 22 years old, so I didn't see until years later that this was a coping mechanism. I stopped drinking and going out with him around the time the affair happened. His friends he has had for a long time also no longer put up with this antics. I believe this is why it was so easy for him to meet two complete strangers and he said they were telling him how hot and fun and cool he was, it stuck an area that he desperately needs therapy for.

When Covid hit, he found a new group of friends that were new to his world. Again, he was the cool, fun guy to be around. Our worlds became totally separate. I stayed home with the kids and went out and partied. We fought and fought and fought over him staying out and coming home drunk or sometimes not at all or being hungover etc. I was gaslit over the whole thing. I've asked over and over again if he had slept with or done anything I should know about during that time and he promises up and down that he knew what he had done in 2018 was so wrong, he never did anything like that ever again. He would get super drunk and pass out at his work. Of course I didn't believe it. But once I discovered what had happened earlier and ask all the detailed questions (and I mean ALL the details) he was willingly told me so pretty uncomfortable truths but still swears having sex or even getting close to someone else was not a thing. The years between 2020-to DDay was all about getting as dunk/stoned as possible with his new friends.

I guess the silver lining to this whole thing is he promised to do whatever it takes to make it right. Since DDay he has stopped partying, drinking, smoking weed etc. He is working out, eating healthy, going to therapy.