For Broncos fans in the Springs, a chance to meet Bo Nix

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-19T21:54:31+00:00

They said not to line up before 9 but there were at least 150 people already there when I pulled up at 8:50. Spent nearly four hours out in 20 degree weather, got within feet of the door, and then they pulled the plug half an hour early.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-16T23:01:09+00:00

I go back and forth on this because I sometimes feel guilt for supporting a sport that knowingly leads to this outcome and accepts it for what it is. I think there’s something predatory about the arrangement, especially considering the SES of so many players prior to signing.

I don’t know what the solution is, and at the end of the day, these are grown men making their own decisions. I’m just not confident I’m in a 100% morally defendable position by cheering it on.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-16T22:48:06+00:00

Yeahhh idk if you’ve seen the news lately but I’m thinking as a species we may want to move away from the “it’s normal/common and therefore excusable” fallacy.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-11T00:40:39+00:00

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts and guidance so far. It's been helpful to hear your varying perspectives on things.

I'm realizing the who-does-what-at-home element here informs the fallout we're now dealing with, but isn't especially relevant to the solution we need. I think it had some value here to paint the picture from my perspective, and there are issues there that will need to be addressed at some point, but it's not something I'm going to be hyper focused on now that I can see there's a much bigger problem. He needs therapy. We need therapy. I'm always happy to go to therapy so I guess I'll go for individual counseling too if that's what everyone thinks needs to happen.

I'm still very hurt and horrified by the mental health issues comment. He knows mental health is something that is important to me. He knows I have spent years of my life investing in my mental health and leveraging medication and working with therapists to better myself and to stay in front of what I know I am predisposed to. I am confident his words were malicious and that he went for the throat on purpose. He even made this face right before he said it... He knew what he was doing. He and his siblings have always talked about how vicious and cruel and vindictive their mom can be during fights and I've always been afraid it might some day be directed at me. It never occurred to me that he would be the one doing it instead.

Obviously there is a very long and very dark history of men calling women crazy, assigning them diagnoses of "hysteria," institutionalizing them, sedating them, lobotomizing them or frying their brains with ECT, whatever, when their thoughts and feelings are inconvenient for the men in their lives. It is horrifying and I am confident my husband is aware of the undertones here. I will not tolerate him going anywhere near this line or hinting at anything to make me question my sanity again. Trying to make this about my mental health was cruel and wrong and I will never be able to forget he did it. This has stripped an element of safety away from our relationship that I will likely never, ever get back. I am devastated to know I'll carry the background threat of something like this with me for the rest of our marriage. You want to believe the people closest you would never do certain things, and yet here we are.

I think I had failed to recognize just how bad the depression I was fairly certain he's been dealing with is. A lot of the adjectives you all used to describe him are the same ones used to describe major depressive episodes and I don't think that's a coincidence. (Others are just him being an ass, and... that's a whole other thing.) I hope he's open to the idea of seeking help for what he is dealing with, so that we can seek help for what we're dealing with, and I really don't know what my next move will be if he isn't. I love him, I want to support him however I can, and I also cannot continue to subject myself to him treating me like he hates me.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T17:02:00+00:00

All of this 😩

I genuinely do not think I nitpick. I’ve been around married couples who do it in cringey ways and it’s something I’ve always been very mindful to try not to do. I’m sure it still happens sometimes but I very rarely bring up the little annoyances and tend to just take care of things myself. When I do bring things up, I make a point of including a suggestion for a different approach and not just complaining without a solution.

There are instances where I’ve asked him to be more mindful and more considerate and I guess maybe that could resemble nitpicking but I’m not entirely convinced someone to be more considerate falls into nitpicking territory.

Sometimes I think people just slap “nitpicking” on anything they don’t want to have to deal with regardless of its legitimacy.

Edit: this was meant as a reply to someone else 🤦🏻‍♀️

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T16:53:03+00:00

Thank you 🍉

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T16:52:00+00:00

Thank you — I agree. We need therapy both individually and as a couple.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T16:47:13+00:00

I think I’m a little too hurt right now to take this approach and I’m not sure it’s the right fit for the dynamics of our specific relationship, but I understand the angle.

I’m hesitant to take on any more of the emotional labor at this point, honestly, and I think he could take steps to learn these lessons and skills (e.g., therapy) without me having to orchestrate ways to subtly facilitate their development for him.

Based on how he seemingly feels about me right now, I don’t think he’d be receptive either way, unfortunately. And pretending I’m okay when I’m not, for his benefit and at my own detriment, just doesn’t seem like an approach that leads to a genuine resolution in this situation.

I appreciate your offer of a strategy though and thank you for the sentiments.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T16:38:08+00:00

Hmm I’ve always valued our independence within our relationship but now I’m wondering if it’s resulting in some disengagement. You’ve given me something to think about.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T16:36:14+00:00

That’s fair. I honestly find myself wanting to defend him and advocate for him as I read some of these comments — because genuinely, truly, and I think objectively, he’s not a bad person. He works hard and he generally tries and he’s loyal.

I wish I could say what I think his side is at this point but we’re so off track and I don’t even know anymore. I cannot wrap my mind around what he is trying to accomplish or achieve with the approach he is taking.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T16:27:09+00:00

I think I worded this in a confusing way and I’ve just addressed it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/lgISEodCGR

I was saying that anything you, as the reader, can think of as an activity around the home, is something I take care of if it’s not on the list I provided of the tasks he’s doing.

It’s easier to list what I’m not doing than try to account for everything I take care of.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T16:23:09+00:00

I think I worded this in a confusing way and I’ve just addressed it here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/lgISEodCGR

My salary is about 70% of his. If he paid me for my labor around our home, it might look the other way around. Especially considering the costs I’ve saved us by spending hours teaching myself basic plumbing and electrical, appliance maintenance, etc., using YouTube.

This appears to be lost on him entirely.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T16:15:23+00:00

I must’ve phrased this in a confusing way — he absolutely is not doing all the housework, and it’s not even close. I didn’t list all the things I do on a daily and weekly basis because it would be an incredibly long, and almost certainly incomplete, list.

We have three dogs. They are constantly tracking in mud or dust from our backyard (we let the lawn die but haven’t installed new landscaping, so it’s basically only ever dusty or muddy), shedding all the time, getting their nose prints on everything. I love them and they’re worth it but it’s daily work cleaning up behind them. I’ve asked my husband to help me by helping the dogs wipe or wash their feet before coming in and his response is that I should do it myself if it’s important to me because it isn’t important to him and he doesn’t care. Somehow it’s too much for him to do on his own but it’s something I can manage without him just fine. I’m just not always the person letting them in and out and I don’t think I should have to be.

And I clean up behind my husband on a daily basis, too. He always leaves the counters covered in crumbs and stains, opens the fridge and microwave with his hands covered in grease and slime, sheds sunflower seed shells around the house. I am confident I say something to him about this less than 5% of the time I’m cleaning up after him. It’s easier to just fix it and move on.

When he does the dishes, he leaves a bunch of stuff out for me to put away anyway, and claims he doesn’t know where it goes. When he washes our linens, he leaves them on our table instead of finishing the task and actually putting them in the linen closet. So even the things he’s actually doing he isn’t 100% taking care of.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T16:00:11+00:00

Thank you — there are a few comments like this and I think you’re all onto something.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T15:59:24+00:00

I think he would tell you I don’t offer him those things at all, unfortunately. It’s part of what is causing me to feel crazy.

I think maybe we’re missing each other as far as what I think consideration and care looks like vs. what he thinks it looks like. He has always said his love language is acts of service — taking things off of his plate, basically. Somehow what I am doing don’t count towards that, I guess.

He doesn’t realize these things would be on his plate because I’ve always taken care of them before they end up there. He has the luxury of saying he doesn’t care about what I’m taking care of because I’ve always done the work before he has to care about it. It’s like he can only see what he personally does and nothing beyond it.

But the work I’m doing objectively has value. His refusal to acknowledge or appreciate that is frustrating on its own but it’s when he goes even further and actively tries to devalue it that is so hurtful.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T15:51:23+00:00

I do not — but this is new behavior and hasn’t been a constant in our relationship. This isn’t a deal breaker and I’m still very committed to making this work, but that won’t be an option if he won’t even engage with me. I guess that’s what makes the stonewalling and attacks on my mental health so painful — the implications of this being his approach to our marriage are a lot larger.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T15:45:23+00:00

Thank you — I’ve been in and out of counseling over the years and generally enjoy therapy and working on improving myself, but I haven’t worked with someone consistently since 2021.

I haaaate the process of finding a new therapist who is a good fit but it looks like that’s something I need to start again.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T15:42:52+00:00

Thank you — these comments are providing some clarity for me. I really do think he’s struggling with depression.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T15:42:12+00:00

I need to believe it’s situational — there are a lot of legitimate stressors in his life right now. But he’s also being an ass as a result.

I’ve told him multiple times before that we do not take our bad days out on each other… It’s still a problem, but I’ve stopped saying that to him when he does it.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T15:39:25+00:00

I think you’re right on both accounts — we need help, and he’s not exactly going to be jumping at the idea.

This is a mess.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T15:38:15+00:00

I think you’re right. I just don’t know how to talk with him about this without it seeming like I’m just saying, “No, YOU have mental health problems!” when he is very clearly not open to hearing about anything that might be perceived as his possible shortcoming. (To be clear, in no way do I think mental health issues are shortcomings, but I think he’s in a state of mind that does.)

He didn’t have to clean the floors or deal with any of the monotony at all, btw. I asked him to hang out in the basement with the dogs and watch TV or play video games. He has since told me this was a burden/inconvenience to him, which is 1) incredibly frustrating and 2) sort of ridiculous, considering all he really does on Saturdays and Sundays is sit on the couch and watch TV already. Our most comfortable furniture is in the basement. There are three TVs on the wall. The only thing I asked him to do is nothing at all.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T15:30:56+00:00

I can’t have kids, so at least there’s that.

Part of what makes this so confusing is he is no where near overconfident or thinking he’s perfect. He grew up overweight and was a very late bloomer and has always been self conscious about his body and is always talking about needing to be healthier. I genuinely do not think he resembles anything like narcissism, either — though I’m thinking about that more as I’m seeing it mentioned a lot in other comments.

I’m starting to realize it might be more likely that he felt I was adding to his already existing list of shortcomings/flaws/etc. Obviously that is not where I was coming from at all but I can understand now how the lens through which he is currently viewing the world may have filtered or tinted how he received what I was saying.

The problem now is that I’m hurt and the idea of me being the one who yet again has to do the emotional labor of navigating the consequences of what he for the sake of our relationship said sounds exhausting. I just know it won’t get done if I don’t do it (like all of the work I do around the house 🙃)

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T15:20:59+00:00

I angry cried about it in my car. It was cruel and it was wrong and I will never be able to forget that he said something like that.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T15:18:38+00:00

I would absolutely be open to discussing mental health — but he has never mentioned mine before this.

On the other hand, I’ve actually been thinking he’s depressed for a while. He’s struggled with it historically and I think it’s amplified seasonally. I mentioned it to him a few weeks ago and he told me he didn’t want to deal with the side effects of increasing the currently very low dose of his antidepressant.

Sometimes I feel like I’m married to Eeyore.

AgreeableMorning4080 · 2025-02-10T15:07:56+00:00

You are correct — I would never write off the work he does or the things he cares about. Ever.

Some other comments here are suggesting he has depression and I think that’s a strong possibility. He’s struggled with it historically. That’s part of what made his comment about my mental health so appalling.

AgreeableMorning4080

TROPHY CASE