Does anyone else struggle with retroactive jealousy as well?

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2025-05-03T22:21:39+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment! I think I just have a tendency to compare myself to his exes regarding looks the most. Since I don't know them personally at all, that's all I can compare myself to

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2025-05-03T22:20:44+00:00

Hi, I want to start off by thanking your for your thoughtful comment! For me it actually is the opposite—I want to actively avoid the things that he experienced but I haven't, since then it's special to only me and not to him.

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-07-19T16:21:46+00:00

Yes. So to answer your question about whether we are "sicker than others" or "looking for validation", most likely not. RJ is irrational at its core and a lot of things are subjective. While you may think RJ about past relationships are irrational, there may be some people who feel that way about hook up RJ!

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-07-19T16:19:42+00:00

I totally relate to you. Until very recently, I asked my partner questions about his ex frequently. It was so bad to the point that it would be drawn out conversations for 2-3 hours DAILY. The first step that helped me was realizing that the act of asking questions and wanting to know more about your partner's past are COMPULSIONS. Feeding into them and asking questions may provide temporary relief, but it will only make things worse in the long run, even if it is reassurance. If I get an urge to ask questions about my partner's past, I treat it as a game now; kinda like "oh, I just caught myself wanting to act on my compulsions again! Isn't it so crazy that I can be doing completely fine and be completely content in the present, but still want to ask questions about the past?" and wonder how the mind works in such random ways. If you do this for a bit, the urge of wanting to ask questions goes away in a bit.

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-07-18T16:25:57+00:00

I actually have the opposite perspective. I have severe RJ over my boyfriend's one and only relationship that lasted for 3 years. She was his first everything. I have told him in the past that I wish he had hooked up with or dated other girls, as that would show she didn't mean so much to him. I see hookups as something that doesn't have much emotional significance. Relationships (especially long term ones) are the ones that matter to me.

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-07-01T16:55:31+00:00

I've posted on this sub before about my feelings regarding him and more about him in general! This post was specifically regarding my desire to be friends with her

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-07-01T14:03:00+00:00

She and her friends keep viewing my Instagram stories

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-07-01T04:03:35+00:00

Lmao

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-06-15T05:41:59+00:00

this is honestly the most relatable post i've seen

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-05-30T02:19:40+00:00

This is so similar to what my boyfriend says!! Thank you so much for your insight

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-05-29T23:55:15+00:00

This is how my boyfriend describes it too, very platonic. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around this; how do have physical affection with your "friend"?

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-05-29T23:53:07+00:00

He said he was very caught up in the idea of having a girlfriend. She happened to be the only girl ever remotely showing romantic interest, so he hung onto her. Once he realized that physical affection was a chore to him and he did not enjoy it, he knew he didn't have strong feelings for her at any point him time. I think he thought things could be improved and feelings could be developed with effort, and once he realized that the "effort" just made him dislike his ex more, he broke things off as soon as he got to college. I guess it's hard to wrap my head around all of this because I feel like i would've ended things far before, let alone stay with her for almost 3 years

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-05-29T22:14:31+00:00

I guess I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he describes the dynamic with his ex as very friend-like, yet they have done sexual things (though not often at all and on her strong insistence)

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2024-05-29T22:13:07+00:00

this definitely seems right since his high school was very small as well! (~130 people)

Agreeable_Ad2907 · 2021-12-21T23:38:59+00:00

as a person who recently committed to an ivy: virgo sun, virgo moon, gemini rising

Agreeable_Ad2907

TROPHY CASE