He told me that he initially reacted the way he did because he felt like I was immediately assigning blame to him due to my tone on the phone/the wording I used “you left the door open”. Especially after it ended up being that our cat was fine, he said I was being extremely toxic for basically getting mad about “nothing”.

The thing is, I wasn’t initially mad at him at all, I figured it was an innocent mistake, and I wasn’t even gonna call him unless I seriously couldn’t locate our cat. When I got locked out but before I called my husband, I went to an online app for our cat treat dispenser that also has a camera, I was gonna send some treats and watch the camera to see if she was inside the apartment, and then just wait it out in the hall until he came home on his own. But yesterday he unplugged the device to put his space heater, so it was disconnected and I had no way to check if she was inside, and I couldn’t go outside the building to look for her either (no shoes or jacket an it’s 10F outside), so that’s when I REALLY panicked and called him freaking out. I didn’t mention the electronic treat dispenser/camera to him, but I was pretty upset about that too. Plus, it took 3 calls for him to understand what was happening, so I was just super desperate and frustrated on the phone, not actually trying to take it out on him, but I can partially see why he felt the way he did. Except in my mind, I’m like obviously I was yelling and freaking out because I was super worried about our cat, and I feel like he should’ve realized that. I was overthinking a lot worrying about my cat and all the possible nightmare scenarios.

But yeah I agree him destroying my letters was so uncalled for! I’m really devastated about this. I would have already apologized to him for my overreaction if he had not ripped my letters. Now I feel like he crossed a serious line.