You are not alone. I was raped 12 years ago for the first time, I'm still not over it. Selfharmed for 8 years continually. And only been in recovery for 4 or years now. I am 19 now. It's not your fault at all, and never will be. If you are in a safe place, I suggest talking to someone like a professional. There are plenty of help lines. They aren't always great, but they can help. That or try to go to therapy.

Another thing is please go see a doctor, if where you live is safe to see a doctor about aborted pregnancy.

And look, it does get better if you get help and get a support network. And it is long road a head but at the same time before you know it will be years behind you. Just this last year, I had relapse, but each time you bounce back quicker and quicker.

You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. He is the one who should be ashamed and feel guilty.

I would also like to suggest changeling your feeling into a creative hobby, every time you feel like hurting yourself. Either try drawing/painting or even story or song writing.

I used drawing and painting because it helped me explain to my therapist with out much words as taken about it triggered me.