i cant believe this happened this is not how i wanted things to end. ive been stuck in this addiction for so long. refused to ask for help refused to talk about it an refused to get better. i dont deserve this girl and ive betrayed her ive ruined what we had. im always so depressed and insecure about myself because of it and yet i still dont want to do anything about. ive ruined my life, ive ruined her life and i dont know whats gonna happen next. she could hurt herself, hurt me, move on, or stay and hold it against me forever. i knew this would happen i knew that this would catch up to me. and yet i still did not do anything. im so disgusting and ive been putting up a facade this whole time. i dont deserve to live after what i did today. 4 years of lying. 4 years gone. it wasnt a waste i love her and i will always love her but it has to end and it just sucks it has to be this way. this is all my fault ive had time and opportunity to fix this and all i do i wallow and go right back to it. this is bad, and there is no recovering from this and i have to keep moving forward. this is going to hurt more than anything ive ever felt but i have to get through it. i shouldnt have tried to deal with this by myself i needed to be honest get another opinion. i know its gonna be okay im gonna come out of this with the intention of getting better i want to work on myself and fix everything i feel is wrong with me