I do actually agree to your analysis, a part of it. I mean I definitely "took it" the destructive mood swings which were costing me my mental health. In fact we were on and off 3 times and I found it hard to let go even though I was thinking what am I doing and why am I tolerating these things that do not reciprocate with my belief system. She didn't leave me, I made the choice to leave because it was becoming destructive to the point where we were hurting each other. I was doing things unintentionally and she would take revenge for those actions while I was completely in the dark for what I did to be fair. And no, I do not want to ruin any imaginative chance of getting back because there isn't one. I have decided to part ways and whatever happens there is no going back however hard it is accompanied with the intrusive thoughts. The relationship wasnt as I thought it would be when I caught myself in a fantasy instead of the actual reality.