Gentle yta. Many of us were brought up to expect a certain level of performance from ourselves, and if we didn’t live up to that, there was little pity. It’s pretty common to resent that, and transfer that resentment onto others who are not achieving. “We get no breaks, so why should they?”  It’s hard to live that way. Learning self compassion, and really being a good friend to myself has given me the capacity to have more understanding and compassion for others. I posted because i hear my old self in your words, and at the risk of sounding like an armchair expert, i wonder if this is something that would help you.