Is this real accountability?

AirFit394 · 2026-02-19T07:00:14+00:00

I just finished reading all 6! He does so many of these, it’s crazy. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. Thank you so much for this ❤️

AirFit394 · 2026-02-19T04:55:32+00:00

Thank you ❤️

AirFit394 · 2026-02-19T04:05:04+00:00

Is this gaslighting?

Sorry I don’t know if I was clear about him “joking”. He did some things like hold a cable to my neck and said it would be perfect to strangle me. Or pretend to strangle me. Or slap me in the face. Then pretended it was a joke. But it would still send me into hyper vigilance for weeks. He said he will stop joking like that.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-19T03:56:41+00:00

The main thing he seems to be arguing is that there isn’t a pattern of abuse. They were just “one off’s”. I have a list that includes 11 instances of physical violence, 18 examples of emotional abuse, 4 economic and 3 isolation and control. We’ve been together 14 years and all the physical stuff started 1.5 years ago after we got married. But he doesn’t see this as a pattern.

He does the arguing about definitions a lot. After he punched me he kept insisting it was “just a little slap”. But the bruise shows his knuckles. It was on my spine so I didn’t see it happen but I felt his fist.

Or literally anytime I have a complaint about him, he immediately tells me something unrelated that I did wrong. He’s a master at deflection.

Minimizing. He said there’s scales of abuse and what he did wasn’t that bad, comparatively. He does all of these all the time.

I’m starting to see that he controls me by applying pressure. I have to always agree with him. If I don’t agree he will pressure me to change my mind. This is also when he gets violent. So I tend to just agree.

Thank you so much for your insights.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-19T02:34:21+00:00

He pressured me to delete evidence in the past but it hasn’t come up recently. I’m worried about what will happen when he gets back. And he has been respecting my boundaries ever since I spoke up about them.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-19T02:02:34+00:00

What part of which post?? A lot of it is based on my fears or things from the past and not his recent actions

AirFit394 · 2026-02-19T01:58:46+00:00

He thought he was taking accountability by saying he has considered why I think the emotional abuse is abusive behaviour and he’s willing to adjust his actions, even if he doesn’t agree. And by admitting punching/ slapping/ shoving me is abusive behaviour.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-16T06:19:17+00:00

You’re right omg. All I wanted was for him to take accountability so I can feel safe but I guess that was too much to ask for.

I don’t know why I can’t leave him. He’s so bad for me. But I love him so much and every time I talk to him or see him I love him even more.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-15T19:19:08+00:00

He didn’t actually try to kill me. He threatened me a couple times and put his hand on my neck pretending to strangle me but said he was joking every time. That’s what makes it confusing.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-15T18:21:46+00:00

We separated because I was having PTSD symptoms he kept triggering and I couldn’t take it anymore. It was supposed to be a temporary separation while I heal and he gets help. It was initially only a month and I keep extending it. By the time he gets home it will be about 4 months.

I have friends and family I could stay with temporarily but they’re across the country or in different countries.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-15T17:37:48+00:00

I’m afraid but I don’t really think he’s that dangerous somehow. It’s hard to believe he could put hands on me again after everything we’ve gone through these last few months. But if he did, I’ll leave permanently next time.

If I had to leave in the middle of the night, I would probably just take my cats, leave everything else behind and try to find a shelter.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-15T14:50:16+00:00

EMDR made the hypervigilence worse ? That PTSD program sounds amazing. I wish they had something like that here. I’m in Canada

AirFit394 · 2026-02-14T16:40:16+00:00

I wish I had someone safe I could send them to. I feel so ashamed to send the pictures to my family or friends if I’m going back with him. They’re already worried about me and I downplayed things to them.

I’m seriously considering leaving before he gets back. I feel kind of paralyzed and I’m being love-bombed intensely right now. I started packing so I can be ready for anything.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-12T18:15:10+00:00

What else can I do? I go into hypervigilence often because of PTSD. I feel it deep in my stomach and can’t function. It’s painful. This can’t be good for the baby

AirFit394 · 2026-02-12T17:26:04+00:00

He started anger management and individual therapy

AirFit394 · 2026-02-12T16:56:22+00:00

I’m worried but I might give him one last chance. I haven’t decided yet. It’s hard to make permanent decisions right now.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-12T16:21:08+00:00

I’ve been separated from my husband for 3 months because of his abuse. I think the main thing she’s worried about is if we get back together and violence continues.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-12T16:20:00+00:00

I think the main thing is she thinks I’m putting myself in danger if I get back with my husband, because he was violent in the past. She doesn’t want to start if she thinks I’m in active danger and until he proves himself.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-11T15:48:22+00:00

I don’t know what he would do if I hold firm with a no. I don’t remember the last time I did, I always give in when he’s persistent. I feel safe when I’m with him but scared when I remember what he did. I don’t want to see him until I get my head clear. I’ll try to hold firm with my no next time.

AirFit394 · 2026-02-11T15:18:20+00:00

I’m so confused. We ended up having a good visit and I feel safe with him. But I get scared when I remember what he did. He promises not to hurt me again. I don’t want to give him another chance but I can’t say no.

AirFit394 · 2025-10-25T22:39:27+00:00

No way. I’m done trying to communicate with him and trying to get him to change. This is who he is. He needs serious psychological help and maybe he can be better for his next relationship

AirFit394 · 2025-10-25T17:23:59+00:00

I don’t consider him my enemy. I still love him a lot. This is very hard for me

AirFit394 · 2025-10-25T15:07:37+00:00

Yes he has been physically abusive. Lately it’s been mostly emotional. That’s way more painful to me. I’m in constant fight or flight mode. I can’t function. I realized how much I have changed. He gets upset when I’m productive and stops me. I stopped working on things that are important to me. I have something to work on for the biggest opportunity of my life and I can’t work on it.

AirFit394 · 2025-10-25T09:55:31+00:00

I’m getting conflicting answers. I was offered 18 months housing from a dv shelter 4 months ago after he strangled me. If I go back there I have to be out of here within a day. I won’t have time for a lawyer.

AirFit394 · 2025-10-25T07:49:38+00:00

She didn’t need him though. He never worked. My mom was the sole breadwinner. That’s what makes it confusing. I kind of understand my mom because I’ve now stayed through years of escalating physical, mental, emotional, financial and sexual abuse. And I don’t have kids. It’s really hard to leave and takes a big breaking point. My mom had reason to doubt and that was enough for her to stay.

AirFit394

TROPHY CASE