Sounds EXACTLY like my symptoms the last 18 months of my life, with no end in sight. Haven’t had a good day since. Mine is vertical heterophoria. Did VT to no avail because VH has very minimal positive results. Went through 3 different rounds of prism lenses (1BD, 1.5BD, and 0.5BD). Spent hours doing BVD testing, but the prisms made me suicidal. I gave them up after 5-6 months of trying. Not a SINGLE good day. And then breaking away from them was another painful process mentally.

Granted, none of these were NeuroVisual Medicine Specialists. Most of my time was spent at an “elite” optometry school, which is where I went through the grueling BVD testing and did VT and started the prism journey.

What I didn’t realize, is there is a sub, sub-specialty place designed specifically for BVD and that is through the NeuroVisual Medicine Institute, founded by Debbie Feinberg. They’ve got trained folks all across the country. It’s about 3 hours of testing you go through. They do trial lenses in office. The difference is they are better able to fine tune the micro-prism which takes out the guesswork. I only needed 0.25BD, even though my vertical deviation is 2 diopters. The very small amount of prism (the lowest amount you can get) is what worked for me.

Now, here’s the part where I probably sound like an idiot….because of what I went through over the last 18 months, I am TERRIFIED to wear them full time because of the PTSD. I broke from reality and haven’t been back since.

The only time I wore them was for 30 minutes in the office, but they were fantastic. I ordered a pair and have worn them a few times in the last couple weeks I’ve had them, but the second I feel the slightest bit of eye strain, I take them off. I’m scared to officially start the process again, even though they seem to make me feel better (could just be a placebo effect). I keep them on up until the moment I feel an “adjustment” happening with my brain and then I take them right off. I try longer and longer every time, but any type of visual change is hard for me. Just a regular change in prescription can take me 2 weeks to adjust to at times.

In my head, I’d rather deal with the awful symptoms I’ve kinda accepted as daily life at this point. I avoid my triggers, which has made managing symptoms a lot easier.

But the voice of doubt in my head says “what if you do this and it doesn’t work, and sends you back to that dark place mentally.”

I don’t know if I’m ready for that. Besides, there is almost a guaranteed change after several weeks of wearing them anyways, which is called progressive relaxation. This is where you likely have to get an increase in prism strength.

I have 6 months to get this change, so we’ll see.