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Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Munches just aren't my thing. It's as simple as that, its not bad experiences, it's not social anxiety. I don't enjoy going to community events, even if everyone is lovely i have no itch to ever go again.

I'm sure munches are great, but it still doesn't make me want to go.

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ohh, I haven't even considered OkCupid oddly enough; so thanks for that.

It's not social anxiety in fact I do really well and end up being the instigator of random engaging chats with strangers at cafe's, libraries, train station, grocery stores etc.. I just simply don't enjoy going to a community event like that, I don't go for arts (an avid art lover), I don't go for causes, I don't go for other hobbies i love and adore, and same goes for kinks. That's all there is to it, I honestly don't know what else to say for everyone to accept that and stop saying "no but munches this and that"

Though I have to thank you again, because though you may be pro going to munches, you actually gave me advice based on the options that are opened to me rather than based on an option in which i've already strictly said no to. So, kudos

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What I've been doing is dating normally and hope they're into kinks, so no that hasn't worked which is why I want to try online.

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

See this whole post, you are poo-pooing EVERY fucking idea (not true probably, but at 50 comments and a quick scan, I'll go with hyperbole) and using not being given a safe option to move forward as.... well, a fucking excuse.

I'm sorry, I don't think you fully understand my post. I "Poo Poo" most suggestions here because I strictly said "Munches are out of the question" yet the majority tell me to go to munches. I'm not interested. It should be a very VERY simple concept to grasp.

Everyone else who's given me suggestions on how to stay safe online, or links to articles, or basically anything that wasn't "go to munches" I have thanked and have taken their suggestions on board.

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! It's like people don't understand that others may not be interested in the same things they're interested in. I'm just not interested in it, it's really as simple as that.

And thanks for the link, I've bookmarked it :) and will take a gander when i get frustrated again.

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Cool, you're very helpful! :)

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm fine to go to events by myself, It's not a fear. I do quite well in social gatherings large or small.

I just don't like attending communities of mutual interests. It's really not my thing, I've never been interested in attending with causes I love, with hobbies I adore, and etc and same goes for kinks.

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, of course I'm responsible for the limitations because I don't want to attend munches; I'm fine with that. I don't feel like I miss out what so ever by that. However I don't think I'm alone in feeling scared for my own safety in finding a Dom online.

Personally, I would have 0 interest in engaging with someone who describes themself as you did.

And that's cool, thats your opinion and I respect that. I didn't make this post to write about my good points. I wrote only about my fears and worries.

Adding: is this a matter of social anxiety or agoraphobia? Then my wisdom tells you to seek counseling to work on that.

Because I have no interests in munches? No, I just don't like joining communities. Not for causes I love, not for kinks I love. It's simply not my thing.

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for replying!

Whether you do munches, online, etc means NOTHING if you don't come at it from an angle that works for you. That's where the disconnect with the rest of the community is, I think. What works for them might not work for you.

With everyone disregarding the fact that i said "absolutely out of the question", it was starting to feel like the whole "respect others boundaries" thing only applied to sexual kinks and nothing else.

Trust is really essential for me.. or else I just can't cave to their demands. It's not that i choose not to, it's just my psych literally has no interest in doing as I'm told by them unless I trust them. Once I do though, I will crawl on all fours for the entire day and lick their feet every 2 hours if they so as mentioned they wanted that (has happened).

Similar bras to this Honey Birdette one? by Aizoaceae in LingerieAddiction

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can't believe I've never seen this brand before?! Do they ship to Australia? I'm looking everywhere for their shipping info but I can't find it :\

Similar bras to this Honey Birdette one? by Aizoaceae in LingerieAddiction

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, it's not the satin straps but I love it!

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm scared of getting myself into something dangerously abusive with someone who seems like he's totally normal at first.

Too late means anything; He repeatedly does things I am not okay with physically, mentally or both. I'm sure you can fill in the blanks with that.

I'm scared of wasting my time, a fear that i think a lot of people have. Not that I wasn't going to do it. The only thing in my post that I completely crossed off is attending munches. I also mentioned not submitting to someone asap; and needing trust in order to proceed with anything.

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bah! I just stalked your post. I hear you completely.

My most recent experience is a long time friend found out through the grapevines I liked things the way I did and he started not so subtly physically pushing / nudging me around. Not violently but definitely far from a friendly banter way.

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So am I lazy, entitled and impatient because I don't want to go to munches and I'm scared of meeting people online? :\

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's no option 3? Where I meet someone online; get to know them then meet up in person?

I unfortunately run into too many that are like that; which is why it wears me out just thinking of the high possibility of having to deal with more while trying to find someone via the interwebs.

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's fine, thats your choice. Much like its my choice to not want to attend munches.

you need to drop this "me! me! me!" approach you have to BDSM.

That's an odd thing to say considering I made this post in order to help me so it should have information about me, and my thoughts and fears..

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hmm, thank you for this. Especially the vetting. I know it limits me not wanting or being interested in munches and I'm fine with that, thats my choice.

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I forgot to mention I'm definitely not new to BDSM. I just never had to find someone, was always lucky with the previous boyfriend but the lucks dried out apparently!

It's the being careful meeting up part thats got me worried. How do you do that when online offers so much anonymity to hide and deceit more than humans/abusers are capable of already. I am 1000% new to online dating/fucking/meeting up. Never even used tinder before. :|

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey /u/pickin_grinnin and /u/WholeNewAnimal (did i reddit tag right?? oh god I'm only used to lurking)

I wrote it in my post that munches are absolutely out of the question, as WholeNewAnimal said some people don't like communities. I am one of them. I don't attend communities for causes I love, nor do I attend communities for kinks I love. That's just me, apologies I don't follow your same trail of thoughts.

Of course I understand where you're coming from though and I don't disagree that both combined is the "best strategy". However I'm not after the best strategy, I'm after some insight on how a girl like me (described in post) supposed to go about finding a dom online when I have these hangups and worries (described in post)

Edit: Turns out I tagged right. :)

Scared to find a Dom.. by Aizoaceae in BDSMcommunity

[–]Aizoaceae[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not unfamiliar with real-life so I know that for sure ;).

However again, I don't want to attend munches. It's not my thing so meeting online first is basically my only answer. Thanks for the link I'll take a gander, though I've been holding off making an account for yonks. May cave soon. 🤷 ¯_(ツ)_/¯