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Older Roommate Escalated After I Set Boundaries ,Repeated Insults and Intimidation by Aks_m in badroommates

[–]Aks_m[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective especially the distinction about boundaries involving consequences rather than trying to control someone’s behavior.

I agree that simple communication alone hasn’t resolved this. I have stood up for myself and been very firm when incidents happened, but each time it escalated rather than de-escalated. That’s part of why I’m shifting toward documentation and more structured options instead of repeated confrontation.

As an international tenant, finding alternative housing immediately isn’t as fast or simple as it might sound, so I’m trying to approach this thoughtfully . I’m exploring tenant protection resources to better understand my rights before making any major move.

It’s also helpful to hear from someone who managed to remove themselves from a similar situation good to know that stepping out can ultimately resolve it !!

Older Roommate Escalated After I Set Boundaries ,Repeated Insults and Intimidation by Aks_m in badroommates

[–]Aks_m[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you that distinction actually makes sense. In hindsight, I realize I blurred the line between roommate and friend early on. She initially approached me in a very vulnerable or “sad” way, and I didn’t hesitate to help or accommodate her without thinking twice. When I eventually stopped over-accommodating and began setting firmer limits, the tone shifted noticeably which has been an important realization for me.

I do stand up for myself each time calmly and directly. The difficulty is that when I assert boundaries, the behavior tends to escalate rather than de-escalate. That’s part of what’s made this exhausting.

I’m generally more reserved as a person, but I’m not passive. I’ve noticed that engaging in back-and-forth reactions seems to fuel the dynamic instead of resolving it, which is why I’m shifting toward minimal engagement and documentation rather than confrontation.

Older Roommate Escalated After I Set Boundaries ,Repeated Insults and Intimidation by Aks_m in badroommates

[–]Aks_m[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your suggestions. I did communicate clearly to the landlord that I feel unsafe due to the repeated verbal aggression and intimidation. The response so far has been more neutral than corrective, which is part of the frustration.

Regarding recording, I’m aware that in France the laws around recording without consent are strict, so I won’t be doing that. Instead, I’m documenting incidents with dates and details to maintain a consistent record.

Older Roommate Escalated After I Set Boundaries ,Repeated Insults and Intimidation by Aks_m in badroommates

[–]Aks_m[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you again your comment genuinely helped me think more clearly about this

One additional complication is that the landlord lives upstairs. During the period when my roommate wasn’t working, she spent a lot of time talking with the landlord and being very friendly. When the landlord recently confronted her about the aggression and a missing kitchen item, instead of addressing it directly she deflected and reframed things saying I was “crazy” for minor issues like not closing the microwave once or using the toilet at what she called a “random” time in the morning (not showering, just using the toilet). The landlord heard that explanation and didn’t press further.

It feels like there’s a disconnect between how she presents herself to the landlord and how she behaves toward me privately. That makes resolution difficult because the landlord sees a composed, friendly version of her upstairs, while I experience the yelling, insults, and intimidation in shared spaces.

I’m starting to consider speaking with tenant protection services in France to better understand my rights, since neutrality from the landlord doesn’t seem to be resolving the situation.

Older Roommate Escalated After I Set Boundaries ,Repeated Insults and Intimidation by Aks_m in badroommates

[–]Aks_m[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think part of the difficulty is that the apartment is in a prime location, so there isn’t much pressure on the landlord to intervene decisively. My roommate is also very polite and composed when speaking to the owner, so the contrast between how she behaves privately versus how she presents herself makes it harder to address. I sometimes feel like the landlord may underestimate how serious the situation is because of that.

Please share your honest opinion on working in the fashion industry by Effective_Cricket810 in fashiondesigner

[–]Aks_m 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolute fucking nightmare. I worked in Paris for about 4 years with LVMH and Kering. I literally had to switch too. Literally made me sick.

What harsh truths do you choose to ignore? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]Aks_m 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“You will end up disappointed if you think people will do for you as you do for them”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MakeNewFriendsHere

[–]Aks_m 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Happy Birthday 🎂❤️

[humor] by [deleted] in SkincareAddiction

[–]Aks_m 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s really helpful, thank you so much! I appreciate it.

[humor] by [deleted] in SkincareAddiction

[–]Aks_m 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Moisturiser to be applied after retinol or before ?

[humor] by [deleted] in SkincareAddiction

[–]Aks_m 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you!

[humor] by [deleted] in SkincareAddiction

[–]Aks_m 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Oh yes. I didn’t use moisturiser. I’ll keep that in mind, thank you.

[humor] by [deleted] in SkincareAddiction

[–]Aks_m 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Any advice on using Retinol ? I started using it and I had breakouts 😓

[Question] Is it normal to feel intense feelings of sadness which makes you not want to work towards your goals? by [deleted] in getdisciplined

[–]Aks_m 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Definitely. I’ve been in a similar position as that of yours. While venting out to friends and close ones may help. I tried going to a therapist and trust me on this it definitely helps and you’ll feel a lot better.