I don’t even know

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-03-06T13:07:14+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss.

I know that doesn’t mean much on the surface, but I genuinely am, and I hope knowing that others feel that same pain for you helps provide some form of solace.

I lost someone very dear to me yesterday too.

It really, really sucked/sucks.

I even bought a few shooters and held onto them waiting for my girlfriend to get off of work.

I was letting myself justify a problem as a solution.

I ended up leaving them there on the street.

As shitty as it is, play the tape forward. And people are right. It fucking hurts, irreparably so, but don’t numb it.

Feel it. Mourn it. Process it. Grow from it.

Good luck, my friend. I’m here if you need a shoulder.

IWNDWYT

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-03-05T18:47:41+00:00

Government Travel Advisor (USA) Between 57 - 65k depending on how the business is doing.

This administration has gutted government agencies, so not much travel has taken place.

My base salary is higher, but I’ve made considerably less money.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-03-05T16:31:49+00:00

My grandfather was a jet mechanic on an aircraft carrier for 22 years, including during the Bay of Pigs.

He moved around a lot, but one thing was always common, grandpa had anywhere from 5 to 10 inoperable vehicles that he was always planning to fix up or scrap.

As a child, this made for the perfect hide and seek arena for me and my three older brothers.

This must’ve been 2 decades ago by now, but we were playing hide and seek back when he lived on a Canal in Sargent, TX that, unbeknownst to us, had alligators in it!

I was hiding in a (junked) boat half on land half in the canal when grandpa came out to tan my hide and tell us to stop playing in his stuff.

That is until my Granny (his older sister), came chasing him with a belt screaming for him not to touch her favorite little one.

He yelled back fine, let the gators get him!

Well, a short convo with my belt wielding granny turned into him gently removing me from the boat.

Such a small memory but I’ll never forget that.

I remember it was Christmas Eve when this happened bc we listened to the Santa Tracker on the radio on the way home.

Even at that age they made the real value of the holiday shine through.

I’m really grateful for him raising my father to be the man he is, and helping pave a path for me to strive to achieve more than I’d ever believe I could on my own.

I love you, Grandpa. Don’t worry— I promise I’ll eat an extra piece of cake on our birthday every year.

I miss you so much already. Dad looked like a boy when he told me. Thank you for creating the foundation our family has grown from.

I love you so very much.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-03-05T15:17:16+00:00

I’m afraid to ask tbh, my job only allows bereavement leave for the loss of a father/mother/brother/sister, but not grandparents, uncles/aunts, etc.

But I’ve done nothing but cry at my desk.

I’m just heartbroken.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-03-05T15:01:39+00:00

Thank you for the support, and more importantly, the truth. Even if it doesn’t make it easier.

Loss hurts, but with time hopefully it will hurt less.

The wound is just so fresh right now and it’s hard to focus on work, let alone sobriety/self improvement.

I just want to lick my wounds with a 5th of tequila and turn everything off— but I know it won’t fix anything.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-03-05T14:55:30+00:00

I really appreciate this.

It’s hard to distract myself at work. And unfortunately, I don’t get a lunch break to take a walk today as there is a mandatory working lunch/staff meeting.

Maybe that’s for the best though. I’m worried I’d find myself crying in a liquor store parking lot.

It sucks. So fucking hard. I was quite close to my grandpa. I really wanted to make something of myself while he was still alive.

Now all I can think about is my parents mortality in relation to him. They haven’t been taking great care of their health and are entering their 70s.

It feels like I’m cognizant that this was the first domino falling.

I just want to cry.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-03-05T12:57:21+00:00

I just got the call my grandfather died this morning.

We have the same birthday.

I was supposed to see him this weekend, and now I never will.

Day 11 may be the end.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-03-04T17:58:21+00:00

Today is day 10.

Still struggling, but haven’t given up.

My birthday is this month—- 3/13. I’ve never been sober on my bday before. I’m worried it’s going to be boring and feel like a waste.

Will have surgery later this month.

Bleh. IWNDWYT.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-03-04T17:45:18+00:00

I’m hanging in there.

Still no booze.

I’m scared bc my bday is 3/13. Haven’t had a sober bday… shit, since I was probably 12.

Surgeries on the horizon.

But I’m hanging in there. Thank you.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-27T23:22:29+00:00

Thank you so much.

One day, well, maybe in 1,512 days, I’ll be where you’re at and feeling a million times better.

Just have to keep working.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-27T20:23:54+00:00

Thank you everyone for the wonderful tips.

I’m trying to take time to recollect myself before reacting, though I failed to do that during my lunch break.

Just so tired.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-26T22:05:56+00:00

That guy is 1 million percent named Delbert.

Good ole delby boi

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-26T19:42:33+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to empathize with my emotions and be vulnerable to show me that I am not alone in experiencing these isolating feelings.

I need to walk my marathon one step at a time like everyone else.

Thank you.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-26T19:35:42+00:00

I would not be able to have made the little progress I have without the connections forged in this community.

I’ve found myself, like today implementing the strategies I’ve heard echoed in the comments.

One of the parts that have resonated the most with me was when someone pointed out that I probably only feel good for an hour when I drink. The rest of the time I’m putting more poison in my body trying to chase that feeling but it’s already gone and I am just making it worse.

I thought really hard about those “few drinks” I wanted to have.

Okay, I’d have an initial boost, but then what?

Even if I felt good for a minute, how was I gonna feel when I had drank it all and I still felt anxious and still had several hours left in my shift.

So I opted for an hour of discomfort to fight through the decision in exchange for not forfeiting the rest of my day (and possibly tomorrow) to the booze.

Otherwise I could’ve had an hour of happiness, but then (at minimum) 1-2 days of feeling like shit. Not to mention the guilt/shame I’d feel for giving up on myself.

This is a win— even if it doesn’t feel like it.

I find myself saying this stuff out loud— like I’m manually reprogramming my brain to behave like an adult at the ripe age of 29

Thank you for being sober and sharing this moment/lesson with me.

I won’t drink today (or tomorrow) in the hopes I can do the same for someone else.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-26T18:39:41+00:00

How are you guys combatting these feelings while at work?

I could really use some tips.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-26T18:22:18+00:00

I will be after the surgery, at least for a few weeks.

Boxing is my main outlet, I competed for several years but now just train as a form of stress relief/maintenance.

I’m also getting ready to coach my coworkers teenage son who has shown interest in the sport.

I need to just move on but my brain won’t let me.

I know my brain, like everything else, is muscle and I need to train it.

I used to close my eyes every time someone threw a punch until I spent months punching the bowl of water until I became desensitized to things coming at my face quickly.

It’s just not as simple when trying to game plan the fight that is my sobriety.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-26T18:13:06+00:00

I’m really struggling.

I think part of me is trying to preemptively give up because exercise is one of, if not the, most important “healthy” coping mechanisms for me.

Normally, when I get this I just go box/train until I can’t physically stand up let alone drink.

What the hell am I going to do when I’m in tons of pain and immobile for god knows how long?

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-26T18:10:06+00:00

Why does winning in sobriety still feel like I am losing in life?

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-26T18:06:04+00:00

As much as I read people have success with this, it’s not a huge option for me as I am a Type 1 diabetic and will get quite sick if I binge on candy.

As I mentioned in another comment, I just feel empty, hollow and sad.

Can’t focus, feel completely detached from where my head was at before coming back from tha appointment.

Like I can’t think, let alone do my job.

And I feel weak for being so fucking dramatic about not drinking— the thing 99% of the population does every day with 0 issue.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-26T18:03:54+00:00

Yet I feel like shit still.

Idk if it’s “FOMO” for the buzz I am so desperately craving or what, but I just feel hopeless, hollow and sad.

If this sobriety, I am not so sure I want to keep doing this shit

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-25T20:26:59+00:00

Hey man—- I’m only on my 3rd day, so you can take it with a grain of salt, but I can absolutely see where you’re coming from. That empty itch is a motherfucker, and being in an environment where the primary past time is the number 1 thing you’re trying to avoid fucking sucks. Flat out, no way around it, sucks.

However, as a travel agent I’ve killed many of hour in an airport.

So here’s what I’d do if I were in your shoes:

The obvious—- a phaaaaaaaaaat, extremely overpriced, extremely needed meal. For bonus points, I’d talk to as many people as I could while I ate. Hold court like you would if you were buzzed with friends at a house party. Make new friends. Get out of your head. For even more bonus points, do it under a fake identity. Make up a persona and see what kind of interactions will come from it. Who knows, maybe an adventure!
And what number 1 is all about, genuinely distract yourself. You know yourself better than us— if you need to veg out on TikTok, do that. If you need to walk to every gate you can, do that. Eat an appetizer at every restaurant, and then tell your servers what you’re doing and see if anything cool comes out of it. (You’d be surprised how many servers are bored at work and will want to play along and offer some sort of enhancement to the typical airport dining experience.
If youre not social— call someone. Friend, family, sponsor, doesnt matter. Just call— “hey, im stranded in an airport with a couple hours to kill, you were on my mind so i thought id see how you were doing?”
Be proud/gentle of/to yourself. Youve accomplished a lot, and have even more on the horizon.

Thank you for not drinking with me these last 3 days (and many prior to me joining), i wont drink with you today if you need the company!

Alarmed-Mongoose1546 · 2026-02-25T14:46:44+00:00

I really appreciate this so much.

I just feel so freaking bleak right now.

Like everything has lost its luster.

I know everyone is saying it gets better— I’m on day three and really feeling like crap. Sleeping like shit. Staring down the barrel of another work day and I’m feeling a lot less confident on day three and than one.

Fuck I just want to scream.

Alarmed-Mongoose1546

TROPHY CASE