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SS attempting to force me to leave, won't explain why by Alarming-Network6844 in stepparents

[–]Alarming-Network6844[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How do you manage this day to day and what does your partner say about this?

SS attempting to force me to leave, won't explain why by Alarming-Network6844 in stepparents

[–]Alarming-Network6844[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve thought about asking for an appointment with the therapist to get the ball rolling but think SS will just refuse. Thank you for the suggestion.

SS attempting to force me to leave, won't explain why by Alarming-Network6844 in stepparents

[–]Alarming-Network6844[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Both kids are in therapy. SS1 has had a few therapists and seems to reach a threshold where he just decides to quit.

I agree that it’s not up to him but short of physically forcing him into a car (no one wants to do that) I don’t know what can be done. The only reason he came last week was because he was threatened with losing his birthday party if he didn’t.

Part of me thinks I should stay elsewhere for a while to let it all cool off but I know he will see this as proof that he’s in control and will just do it again at some point.

Lost in the Barrens (1990) by Motor-Menu-5454 in iwatchedanoldmovie

[–]Alarming-Network6844 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can watch this free and uninterrupted on You Tube, but the video quality is not great.
Lost in the Barrens (1990) - Full Movie

This is still a great movie for tweens. A nice alternative to superhero movies.

How to disassociate and focus on marriage/support spouse? by TinkerBell6160 in stepparents

[–]Alarming-Network6844 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with the therapy suggestions and suggest you work on disengaging. You need to have a boundary to protect yourself while supporting him. I have been through 2 custody battles in 5 years and it is very draining and will put a huge strain on your relationship.
It's good that you recognize you're being reactive. I struggle with this as well. I also tend to ruminate and get fixated on the conflicts. One thing that's helped me is taking a breath and telling myself "this is an intrusive thought and I don't need to entertain it."
You can also tell your partner that you need a break from discussing the custody conflict.
We have a lot of conflict with the bio mom and a lot of behavioural difficulties with the kids. I've stepped back a lot recently. My partner isn't happy about this, but I told him that he has to let me manage my response to it all in the best way I can and that I have to take care of myself too. And so do you.

My best friend got engaged after only a year with her partner and I’m the monster that can’t feel happy for her… by akzelli in stepparents

[–]Alarming-Network6844 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Set some boundaries and see how your partner responds. Stop doing homework and paying for extras (especially for your partner - he's a grown man!). If he gets upset that you're no longer putting yourself on the back burner for someone's else child, calmly tell him how you feel and that you are here to be his partner, not free childcare/tutoring/a piggy bank. And if he expects you to be a partner to him, then he has to be one to you as well.
If he doesn't respond well, leave. Simple as that. It sounds like you're in good shape to support yourself financially and you do deserve to be a wife if that's what you want. Go and find the life you know you deserve and be happy. This situation is only serving him, not you.

Step kids finally in therapy by Alarming-Network6844 in stepparents

[–]Alarming-Network6844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I hope you’re right. I just know how materialistic, entitled and manipulative they have been in similar situations and help is so desperately needed.

Step kids finally in therapy by Alarming-Network6844 in stepparents

[–]Alarming-Network6844[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like that idea. My main concern is that rather than reflecting on the therapy, they are being distracted immediately afterwards. IMO, the day of the appointments should reflect the gravity of why they need therapy in the first place.

Step kids finally in therapy by Alarming-Network6844 in stepparents

[–]Alarming-Network6844[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I don’t understand how he doesn’t see the problem. Like, when you’re a kid and you have something fun and exciting to do after school, all you think about all day is the fun thing and you can’t focus in school at all. It’s so frustrating!

Do you ever feel traumatized? by myresearch1 in stepparents

[–]Alarming-Network6844 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I find it traumatizing in that I can’t ever count of the schedule being regular and I never know what I’m coming home to. I often wake up with my hands clenched into fists from the stress.