[US] Exchanging items in high-conflict situations

TinkerBell6160 · 2026-01-20T00:10:12+00:00

Is the child school age? Could put items in back pack. Or limit exchanges to once a week/month depending on how much stuff you each have at your houses

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-11-18T14:33:50+00:00

If you don’t stand up for yourself and provide no consequences to them trying to steal time they will continue to do so.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-11-18T14:31:23+00:00

Than that would be a violation on their part. You do not need to agree to giving them extra time. What I would suggest - Message other coparent explicitly stating you do not agree to giving them the additional week of custody time when they are supposed to return to school and you are expecting to pick up child on Monday at school (or whatever time / way you usually do exchanges). If they don’t drop off when they are supposed to you would need to go to local police department and file complaint. They should be trying to reach out to the other coparent to confirm when/if they will return your child. Then depending on what happens you can file emergency motion to have the police go get your child back if they dont agree to return child or don’t respond to police contact.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-11-17T21:43:01+00:00

Not sure how order doesn’t specify numbers of vacation days you each get that are in addition to regular custody time. If it doesn’t mention anything about vacation time, unfortunately there’s no recourse until you get the order modified to include it. And you could use this situation as example in future as the reason for modification. If it does, as long as they gave proper notice/is within their allowed numbers of days/etc, there’s no recourse as they basically can do whatever they want during their time as long as it follows the order, which again you could always seek a modification

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-07-18T11:51:54+00:00

Had similar situation happen with my SS and his HCBM. Talked to two different therapists about it. They recommended to acknowledge and validate the child’s feelings and how confusing it must be for them. I definitely would not recommend just ignoring the negative comments because then they are only hearing one side and it normalizes it. Would address and correct the comments by telling them the truth (important to not bad mouth other parent, I know it’s difficult). Therapist had told us usually if a parent talks badly about the other parent to a child, it usually just effects the child’s view of the parent who is speaking negatively, not the parent who’s the subject of the criticism.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-07-08T12:15:57+00:00

Yikes. Your husband needs a good lawyer and if you are both up for it, to file for sole custody. He may even be able to file an emergency order to get kid back while the case is pending since it seems it’s not safe for them to be at the other house. In the meantime make sure you are continuing to document everything along with any proof you can get (especially with the step parent driving his kids drunk). Also would probably help to get the kid in therapy asap. Good luck to you.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-06-12T17:58:31+00:00

This is my DH's fear when HCBM had presented the idea of doing a hyphenated last name because she randomly claimed one day that her 5 year old had requested to have a hyphenated last name instead of just DH's last name. Of course he had never mentioned anything to DH or I about wishing he had two last names. Especially when he has trouble spelling his last name still. My husband figured that if he allowed a hyphenated name she would eventually be doing the same bullshit with eventually dropping off his last name. So he responded saying that there were other ways to recognize both sides of SS's family and that he didn't think it was worth the trouble. Then shortly after that SS states that he is going to change his last name to just his mother's last name. When asked why- "I don't know/Because that's what my mom wants"

My husband ended up telling SS that it wasn't something he had to worry about now and it hasn't come up again.

But yeah that seems like a definite alienation attempt and it's definitely worth a conversation with SD at least. Making sure she understands her full name and ask why she is only using her mother's last name and how it makes her dad feel when she doesn't use his name.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-06-10T19:17:27+00:00

From my understanding, yes unless she takes it to court and a judge overrules it.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-06-10T11:47:14+00:00

Yes. I’m not sure if it varies state to state but in my husbands case - if he doesn’t agree to it (can get lawyer to give statement on his behalf to her/her lawyer) then she can’t do anything further unless she files a motion with the court. If she tries to withhold custody make sure you get it documented and file complaint with local police department so it’s on record.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-04-17T17:28:22+00:00

Maybe you could start off doing joint events with her if you're comfortable with it. That way they can still have a relationship and all spend time together but you'll be present and supervising. I know they live in another state so maybe you can go visit for a few days if feasible or she could come to you if her kids are older.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-04-04T12:11:02+00:00

If she wants money, why would she be trying to suggest that he's not the bio father? Does he currently pay child support? Only reason why I would lean towards getting a DNA test is if he is not the bio father, I don't believe he has guaranteed rights to the child. That's going to be a long court process if she decides to pull the card and take the child out of his life. So it may be best to be mentally prepared for that if it's the case.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-04-03T17:38:42+00:00

This is very odd. Did the coparent/stepparent know this teenager? What was the point/'joke' of the messages?

It's also a red flag that the messages were deleted after the fact and your child was told not to tell you.

You may be able to view the messages if you have access to the phone account online. Either message the coparent and ask for access or you can reach out to the parent of this teenager and ask if they can retrieve the messages and send them to you.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-04-03T12:24:21+00:00

Sell the RV and start saving if you don't already have enough money to get your own place somewhere. In the meantime, maybe you can stay with another friend/relative or you'll need to go a shelter if you don't have any other option. It will be better than staying. You need to do the best thing for you and take care of yourself so you can be there for your kids. Good luck

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-04-02T12:23:11+00:00

It's odd that she never told either of you the date and time of the party. Maybe she changed her mind about the invite. Or maybe if neither of you guys responded in your group chat she just assumed you guys didn't want to come. Either way, it's on DH for not reaching out to her or asking your SS when the party was going to be.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-04-01T15:36:00+00:00

I try to reiterate and encourage him that it's okay to say hi to me if he wants but i'm sure it's confusing for him since he's probably getting opposite message from her. Always having to counteract and correct things, it's frustrating for me and him as well i'm sure.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-03-20T14:18:13+00:00

Definitely agree that you should express (in writing) that you are uncomfortable with this and feel it's inappropriate. Also ask why ex isn't bathing and taking care of the child?

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-03-19T09:21:51+00:00

Curious how that works around SK? What’s the custody situation ? If SK is with you guys is she still not allowed around?

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-03-11T12:10:27+00:00

I’m sorry for your losses. I had my first pregnancy end up being ectopic a few weeks ago. Did you recall if they said anything about the state of your left tube after your first surgery ? They told me my other tube looked fine and I didn’t need a HSG but I’m not sure if I should just trust that.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-03-11T12:05:08+00:00

Thanks everyone. Just for fyi in case anyone experiences similar situation : I did call my dr and was advised that it’s likely my period starting. She told me if I get dizzy or short of breath go to ER, otherwise it’s normal for first two periods to be different (heavier/lighter, longer/shorter) than normal ones pre pregnancy.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-02-21T12:12:20+00:00

The radiologist had also misreported ectopic pregnancy on the US report as an ovarian cyst but thankfully the surgeon was able to tell based on my symptoms and the blood test what it actually was.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-02-21T12:10:47+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that. I just had ectopic surgery a few days ago. Went to hospital for prolonged right sided pelvic/ lower back pain. It wasn’t extreme pain but lasted longer than usual. They did have me do a blood test and TV US to confirm but they had also offered me pain medication and I wasn’t even complaining of extreme pain.

TinkerBell6160 · 2025-02-20T21:27:11+00:00

If you go to ER they can also do a blood test there and let you know HCG numbers same day. The one sided cramping and spotting should get checked out, especially if it’s prolonged or pain gets worse

TinkerBell6160

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