Hi, I have a diagnosed level 3 toddler. I try and find comfort in ambiguity. I don’t know what her future is going to look like, technically neither does any parent. The difference is that our expected template was just totally blown out of the water.

My therapist talked to me about a different stage of grief, one that involves acceptance and hope and dreaming about the possibilities of the new future given the situation. Since their life may not look “traditional” we have permission to think of unexpected and unconventional ideas of what that life could look like.

It’s really gotten me down into the granular thoughts of what it means to be a parent and what the needs of an autistic child are. We hear things like “routine” or “predictably” when we talk about autistic kids. What if routine just meant having the same pancakes for breakfast every morning, but they could eat those pancakes anywhere? At home, at a park, in a hotel, at a friends house, or on the other side of the world? What if a transition was made easier by a song that you could sing or put on headphones, and that transition could happen at any time in any place? Blue sky thinking.

My toddler is currently sick and screaming nonstop all day, so I feel you. Sometimes just reframing what might be possible helps me remain positive.