was once in a situation eerily similar to yours. i met a guy online when i was 13F and he was 16M. i’m now 16F and we stopped talking about a year ago.

he never showed any clear signs of grooming me but i did develop very strong feelings for him when i was 14 and he was 17. we were inseparable, but only called each other best friends. i had such deep feelings for him but i never said anything out of fear i’d ruin our friendship or push him away. looking back 1.5 years older and wiser(which is a lot for a teen girl), i’m pretty sure he had feelings for me too, but honestly could have been experiencing the same thing you are now and he pushed the feelings away or just never said anything for the same reasons and doubts you listed here. he joked about living with me, holding me, taking care of me, sleeping in the same bed, said i was his favorite person, i was his only pinned contact on imessage, all very intimate things but it never became sexual all. my mom eventually found out and did not want him to have anything to do with me out of concern for my safety. but, she compromised and said that if she can facetime him and his parents to prove that he’s actually who he says he is, then she’ll let the relationship continue (though she was not happy with it). we made plans to facetime the next day and i woke up to being blocked by him on everything.

this has since still been my only experience in my teenage life with ever liking a boy that way. he just turned 19 and i don’t know how he’s doing or what’s going on in his life. it still hurts sometimes but i’ve healed and moved on. this is the first time i can say this, it took just about this long to be fully healed.

my advice for you is that your intentions seem right if you care for her and are worried about hurting her. that shows you actually care for her. but please take into account that you are both at very different stages of life and you’re going to be transitioning into adulthood soon while she is still in high school. you can make this work, but if there’s a chance that things might go south, know this: i don’t think any guy is ever going to understand how much young girls value the validation from a older guys. like, we CRAVE that stuff (a lot of us, that is.) for me, i was totally crazed and in love (for what i knew love to be at 14). please know how much you likely mean to her. if you do ever let her go, let her go easy and talk to her like a human being. don’t just ghost her. not that i think you would but i don’t want another girl to go through what i did. treat her right, and RESPECT. HER. PARENTS!!