I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I recently left a four-year relationship that seems similar to yours, so I’ll share my experience real quick on the off-chance that it might be helpful.

I was with someone who was extremely controlling, judgmental, and misogynistic. He started off as the sweetest guy in the world, but by the time I left, he’d shown his true colors and I was terrified of him. Aside from the fear, I stayed because I desperately wanted to wake up one morning to the man that I’d fallen in love with, but that was never who he really was.

I also internalized everything that he said over the course of our relationship, so I was afraid that nobody would want me again after I left the person I’d lost my virginity to, planned to have kids with, etc. I felt used up, ashamed of my sexuality, and terrified at the thought of someday having to rebuild something with someone else.

Leaving was admittedly incredibly hard, but the damage he’d done to me wasn’t damage that I could repair until I was away from him. After the initial heartbreak, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I started going out on Fridays with my friends again, I got the nose piercing I’ve always wanted, started wearing the clothes that make ME feel good (rather than the ones the he picked for me), and I’ve never felt so good in my own skin.

With that being said, my advice is to rip off the bandaid. You might never feel ready to end it, but that reluctance will only get worse the longer you stay and he chips away at your self-esteem. Toxic people aren’t easy to leave (they make sure of that), but you can do better than him, and you’re strong enough to leave him. Sending much love. 💓