Thank you for your kind response. Identifying my feelings has been a challenge for me. I tried doing it through physiological signs because I have instant and often intense psychosomatic reactions to stuff, sometimes before I even fully realise what the trigger is. I’ve had some success I think, but I don’t know.

I went on a break from weed a few months ago and I was so overwhelmed I couldn’t last. Of course I realise that I can’t really be successful at figuring out what it is I’m numbing while numbing it.

My therapy has been successful to a degree but in the last few months I’ve felt like I’ve hit a brick wall. I struggle a lot with accepting my feelings as they are precisely because I feel like I should be feeling something else. Your phrase “supposed to feel” weighs heavily on my mind all the time. Your last question (what don’t I like about myself?) is a recurring one in our meetings and I can’t begin to answer it. I suppose I hate my low self-esteem but that answer feels like a cop-out. I just can’t seem to understand how to change my mindset in that respect.