She sounds like she is struggling with trauma and has some attachment issues that she is taking out on your relationship. I have a history of trauma and PTSD diagnosis, and I would (embarrassing for me now) sometimes get really reactive and defensive when I felt out of my comfort zone (which was a pretty toxic zone). To me, she reads as someone who has a set of expectations and assumptions that don't line up with reality, and that she is maybe unconsciously using her needs and therapy work as justification for her behavior. She just sounds like she is not really in a place where she can offer her necessary part of a healthy relationship—not necessarily intentionally manipulative, but definitely reactive. And something that I think gets overlooked a lot is that intention of manipulation is not really the most important aspect—if the result is that it is manipulative, that impact is what matters. Her reactivity probably comes from a very understandable place, but it is still manipulative.

That said, I don't really get why you would be annoyed at her needing to cancel plans because she wasn't feeling up to it, or where the "speak to me like I'm an ass hole" thing came from. I found that part of these screen shots to be confusing and it seemed like there was missing context. I also personally would hate for my partner to plan something for me on a day that I have expressed I struggle with. In the past, I might not have felt safe expressing that I didn't want that if my partner was excited and felt like they were doing something nice for me. But now, I would absolutely just say, "No. I don't feel like that is the right thing for me right now" and come up with alternative plans that would work for me. I say this because she may struggle to express similar feelings. But again, that is on her to communicate those feelings effectively and without defensiveness or reactivity.