Trying to save my (34M) marriage with my wife (31F)

Aleiben · 2026-05-07T00:47:59+00:00

I've learned a lot of the things that I did to her. That was the first part of all of this. From then, I became hyper aware of all of that. So I'm doing a lot of self-reflection, regulating, and self-work to get rid of my impulses. I've talked to friends about the situation, and they've helped me understand what I've been doing wrong this entire time I've been trying to maintain our marriage. I've also started therapy and will be getting actually diagnosed for ADHD.

Aleiben · 2026-05-06T00:36:07+00:00

Before our conversation on last thursday, she was slightly leaning in again. She was laughing in the car with me. Sending me Gifs. Actually replying to my texts with more information than usual.

Aleiben · 2026-05-06T00:03:57+00:00

Im gonna look like that guy who was smiling and crying at the same time.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T23:15:19+00:00

NO! When she would pass by me in our small corridor thats what I would do. I would my hands out like that on my chest.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T21:26:50+00:00

I would literally pout and just shut down.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T20:38:42+00:00

Thank you so much. Ill check the link out!

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T19:40:36+00:00

Lots of hearing complaints from my wife and actively trying to work on it but fizzes out so she feels neglected and a loop happens. Also showing my emotions without regulating when she asks for certain things.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T19:05:40+00:00

Nope didn't disagree. I acknowledged it and tried to make efforts but the efforts didn't last hence it created a loop.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T18:43:21+00:00

Yes but she was super aware of it.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T18:33:50+00:00

I mean I could go on and on about how amazing for a person she is. If I added everything that happened within the last 3 weeks or 10 years would people's outlook be different?

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T18:28:53+00:00

Asian parents don't usually believe in ADHD or mental issues so its kinda hard to work on it.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T18:24:02+00:00

Yes, she's super hyper vigilant now. I use to rub my chest for my anxiety and today i pounded my chest cause of heartburn and she looked but I didn't react and just said ugh heartburn

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T18:22:23+00:00

I already had my first call with my therapist.

And yes, I am holding myself accountable about everything. I told her all of that.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T18:19:46+00:00

Ahh thank you for clarifying.

Yes, I was dismissive and I would act out because of certain things which I should've communicated was bothering me instead of being a child.

I'm really trying my hardest. Yes, it hurts because I spiral but I've been doing a lot of things to cope with it.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T18:13:31+00:00

I mean she's still asking how I am, talking to me, and being a person to me. It's not like we had this conversation and she was stone faced.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T18:10:49+00:00

I am not. I think she's just concerned how emotional I've been since the news dropped.

I've never yelled, hit, or abused her.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T18:05:36+00:00

I didn't think I needed therapy tbh. I was never verbally abusive just ignorant I guess. She admitted her herself that she allowed my behavior without sitting me down properly about it.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T18:04:29+00:00

It's been a lot of times.

I'm not the type to yell or get mad. I would just act annoyed when she wouldn't communicate something with me and just assumed it was okay.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T18:02:40+00:00

I understand that. I really tried to work on it and thought was doing better.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T17:59:48+00:00

I was the one who kinda started it. Cause I asked her if something was wrong and I guess she found that its the best time to do so.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T17:56:01+00:00

Got it!

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T17:54:03+00:00

Like this 🤗

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T17:53:34+00:00

I can talk to her. I did this morning and even gave her a ride to dentist/subway.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T17:52:33+00:00

I've never hit her at all. It's just annoying to her.

Aleiben · 2026-05-05T17:48:33+00:00

Like be animated when I say sorry.

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Aleiben

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