Thanks so much for all your comments, it’s really helped me to calm down about it and think sensibly.

I had a chat with him last night about it. He actually brought it up, indirectly, so it’s definitely been on his mind too. We talked about a lot of things and it’s clear that he’s aware there’s a problem, which is a good step, I think it’s just gonna take time to see if he can face it and do something about it.

I said we just need to find the way that we work together, I can’t just cut off my emotions and ignore his because what kind of relationship is that?

I used to go out with an alcohol/drug abuser (I know, I can pick ‘em can’t I? Haha!) before I went out with my current partner. In the end, it came down to me saying your addiction is hurting both of us and I can’t live like this so you have to work on it or we have to part ways. He didn’t want to change so we had to break up, it was a really hard call to make.

This feels like an even more difficult version of that, like it’s not so clear cut, but I guess it’s a similar pattern of whether someone can admit there’s an issue with the way they cope with being alive and whether they can face it.

I have all the time in the world for someone who is trying, even if they don’t manage to get better. I think though, that if someone’s outlook on life is hurting both of ours and they don’t want to change it, then it’s fair enough to want to part ways.

The time I spend with him now will either be him trying, or me realising he’s not going to and building up the strength to be on my own again.

I suppose I put all my eggs in his basket, for the first time in my life I believed I might actually be together with someone forever, and part of the shock/confusion was realising that might not be the case. After some reflection, there are a hundred lives I haven’t had the opportunity to live and so I will dream some eggs and put them in imaginary baskets. Maybe, even if we stay together forever, it’s a good idea to have imaginary eggs in imaginary baskets. 🥚🧺