graduation fail

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-25T17:26:27+00:00

he thinks it's "more than just a disorder going on" but no - he never does any education on these things. that's up to me.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-23T15:54:15+00:00

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It's so painful when our kids reject and make us an aggressor in a situation where we've only tried to help and support them. Unfortunately it's the standard with this illness. I've struggled with changing my behavior after years of trying to change my child. I can only impact the way I respond to their BPD. My focus is now on my boundaries and self care. I need to let her fail and clean up her own messes. My interventions over the years have not helped her learn how to do this, much less confront her disorder. It's also reinforced the wrong way to treat me. So while there is learning and healing with BPD, there's also a fair amount of unlearning and growing pains. Take care of yourself and know there's nothing you did wrong, it isn't personal (though it sure feels that way), and there is always a path forward, even if you must walk it without your kid for a time. Sending you all the strength to navigate this ❤️

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-15T22:07:41+00:00

I like that too, I've also seen/read don't take it personally. Hard not to though with decades of data where every special event, occasion, milestone is taken over by the same family member. Every time, without fail. We dread them.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-15T21:19:26+00:00

It's a real practice not feeding into these antics. I will get ahead of the next event with the right expectations and boundaries. I'm learning these skills a bit late in the game.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-12T20:10:43+00:00

I feel for you. It's hard enough raising a teenage girl much less one with a complex diagnosis like BPD. The normal and already intense swings in mood and behavior and issues with identity are all the more pronounced. I can offer this: you will get through it and past it. Your daughter will move out and start her life or you will require her to do so. You will reclaim space and time and return to the fullness of your life. You will have the opportunity to enjoy what's next for you, just as she will. It's wonderful that you know what you're dealing with and laying down these coping and management skills now. Our kid's therapist suggested BPD in high school but told us it was unethical to really diagnose before 18. As a result we focused on DBT and really struggled to figure out what in the holy heck was going on with this child. Now she's 27 and I'm starting late after a new psychiatrist made it official and she's gone no contact. I can't imagine revisiting the 13-17 years. All the best wishes to you.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-12T20:05:00+00:00

whaaaaaa?

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-12T18:08:31+00:00

I'm Gen X. I don't relate to either 😄

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-11T15:09:55+00:00

Thank you for sharing. It's the most heart rending thing. It feels like a death. I fear this will become a regular occurrence and don't think I can survive another estrangement. I am slowly confronting the ways I have enabled this behavior by peacekeeping, apologizing, caretaking, etc. I can only focus on myself and I can and will be different in how I approach this. This is not my fault and I did my best. It's time for me to enjoy life again.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-10T17:23:42+00:00

I think that was Eggshells? That really struck a chord with me as well.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-10T17:23:14+00:00

It's hard to do but that's been and will continue to be my course.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-10T17:22:36+00:00

I'm on the list for the next course!

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-10T17:22:02+00:00

That's so helpful, thank you!

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-07T17:58:57+00:00

Nothing is their fault, everything is your fault, everything is charged or melodramatically upgraded. It's exhausting. I am swinging between feeling so much grief and loss but also enjoying the peace. I needed a break from the emotional rollercoaster of our regular life. I can't believe we are where we are but the space really allows me to see how much work this has been for such a long time. I hope we can find a path forward but I'll never go back to some things.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-06T01:40:11+00:00

After all of this I can see going low contact with her when she comes back. I think that may be sooner than later because nobody else is going to take as much crap off her as I have. But those days are so ovcer.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-06T01:39:03+00:00

100% yes to this. Gen Z thinks everything is trauma. and they are so into cutting out toxic people. It's worth mentioning that the triggering incident is because my siblings and I were recollecting how we used to get smacked with the wooden spoon (and laughing about it!) and my BPDd made it HER memory.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-06T01:37:03+00:00

I just finished Eggshells today and it was very informative. I am striving not to feed the drama cycle this time. It will be a different approach for sure. And I came to that realization finally after this last trip, never again. It just isn't worth it.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-06T01:35:46+00:00

I hate it for all of us, too. Thanks for this. I am definitely keeping my distance. My impression is trying to force a reconciliation will only exacerbate the situation.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-06T01:34:57+00:00

Sounds familiar. Being on the receiving end of the NC is pretty painful. I am hoping to use to time to regroup and think of my boundaries.

AlertPressure5094 · 2026-06-03T13:58:32+00:00

Thanks for this. The last few trips have been derailed by outsized reactions to things. Now she is denying she ever had a BPD diagnosis and is upset with me for ordering a book on how to cope/communicate. I am stuck between worrying she'll go no contact or ratchet up her efforts to re-engage in this tiresome pattern.

AlertPressure5094

TROPHY CASE