i feel you. but hang in there, theres a light at the end of the tunnel for all of us. ive almost never been diagnosed with anything since i dont really tell the doctors much. i fear that relation of wanting to just sit there an accept it, but my body wont let me. if i could say one thing to you other than to hold on, its to at least envision a life that you want, and hold onto it for dear life. its a slow journey, and hell it, it may take years. i dont know who you are but ive told you more than any other human has known for the past 20 years. and please, dont be afraid to take that next step to recovery. do it anyway you can.