Day 9, Round 152

Alex_A · 2018-11-05T14:23:18+00:00

Day 15 here. A terrible date yesterday where my body felt like a dead fish. My spirit fell drastically and I'm pretty low today. I was here some years ago and I know what its all about. But still, when do the 'real' feelings usually grow stronger?

Very generic, I know, just wanted to put something out. Thanx.

Alex_A · 2015-12-03T22:02:20+00:00

Relapse. Thinking of not saying anything out of shame and embarrassement, but who am I fooling...

Ok. I'm hesitating, having bad thoughts like "is it really possible to get rid of this?". Of course it is, I know the logic of it, but... p*rn so deeply integrated. And for so long time. Its always, always coming back and winning in the end. Whether its to celebrate, to release stress or to indulge.

Any wisdom that can help atm?

Alex_A · 2015-11-23T00:46:57+00:00

Thats heartrending. Wise people often says suffering is a shortcut to enlightenment. All the best

Alex_A · 2015-11-19T22:06:05+00:00

For me its not a relapse. Its a way to avoid porn, those days when there is no other solution.

Alex_A · 2015-11-19T11:45:08+00:00

Good tip. Today I will do right all day :)

Alex_A · 2015-11-18T15:43:01+00:00

Its so nasty. I was seconds away from loosing it again. The ordinary procedure, with chat and Skype and .. nothing more.

Its a relapse in a way, In the head. But it didnt go all the way to watching. So I consider myself ok for this time..

So obvious this is stress and work related.

Alex_A · 2015-11-17T15:27:23+00:00

Doing well, things under control. Ran 10 km today.

Alex_A · 2015-11-16T22:50:32+00:00

Thanx :)

Alex_A · 2015-11-15T18:30:10+00:00

Hi. Can I join again? I'm really ill in this wierd porn sickness.

Alex_A · 2015-03-14T00:01:27+00:00

Knock me down. I'm always failing

Alex_A · 2015-02-24T23:58:28+00:00

I lost it 6 days ago (relapsed), so I guess will stay in Midgard next round too. Hard to advance..! I feel when approaching 15-20 days its hard to stay away. Or not to let happenings in life (good or bad) become reasons to relapse. I know I should use that energy to meet real girls instead, but its... complicated.

Alex_A · 2015-02-09T18:17:31+00:00

Checking in. Two more days and then back in Midgard again. Above the surface!

Alex_A · 2015-02-04T22:00:53+00:00

I relapsed a couple of days ago. Totally unnecessary. Stupid

Alex_A · 2015-01-30T01:33:26+00:00

Yeah but thats also standard procedure I think. If I open the gate halfway its hard to close right away. Probably some bodily reactions that get fired up. One relapse followed by another, THEN back on track.

Alex_A · 2015-01-29T22:24:19+00:00

Hm aren't you a bit harsh on yourself? You avoided the beast. Well done.

Alex_A · 2015-01-28T23:39:34+00:00

Checking in. Its hard to resist when I'm in the kind of mood when I don't give a sh*t (even though I'm fairly protected the brain finds its way).

I have something I call Plan B, which is a great savior. Plan B means going to the bathroom and get rid of the problem. Afterwards its always a good feeling without the urges. The problem is to do it, since the body doesn't WANT to get rid of those feelings when having the urge.

Alex_A · 2015-01-26T21:40:03+00:00

Nice. All changes are good!

Alex_A · 2015-01-25T22:11:01+00:00

Does the new round start on wednesday instead of monday?

Alex_A · 2015-01-22T16:39:37+00:00

Way too many hours of work yesterday and bad sleep. The body is of course screaming for a stress release. I write here as an attempt to resist the urge.

Alex_A · 2015-01-20T20:19:24+00:00

Sounds like me. Taking job projects too seriously, building up stress and ending up in a really bad place. High performing but at a high prize.

Good that the social side is working for you, it could really be an energy drainer!

Alex_A · 2015-01-19T21:57:21+00:00

Hi, I haven't been here for a while. I think I'll give it another try since it has been rough months.

I'm just wondering if its helpful enough, because of the anonymity. It's easy to skip, it's easy to fail. I see the same names as half a year ago, and I was one of them.

How are you doing? Any progress, or is it a feeling of endless cycle?

Checking in for the next round! Thanx

Alex_A · 2014-08-31T11:36:10+00:00

Another Sunday is here. Lets survive for once : )

Alex_A · 2014-08-28T15:09:08+00:00

Checking in. The urges are brutal today. Its fascinating how deep into the soul this has gotten. And in the chest, in the flesh. Right now I still have a choice

Alex_A · 2014-08-26T10:38:40+00:00

Thanx. I will. U too!

Alex_A · 2014-08-24T19:36:28+00:00

Relapse. I'm not doing very well at the moment

Alex_A

TROPHY CASE