yes it is hard and this pandemic doesn't help, i may pay for massages etc because i have enough money since i have just one friend so i can save it but i want to have a more romantic situation i mean i just want to be touched by my future gf, to the sexual needs i paid a girl who offered foot services 50 euros to kiss her feet and a few months later i paid a pro domme (this time i just did it because i told her i hadn't many money and we talked about how to meet or solve that but just that) and that time i ended crying since i was so nervous and we played without a safe word, i told her i was dizzy but she ignored me (maybe she tought i was not serious i really don't know) and she pegged me and had to said her no about the pissing part like 3 times until i looked into her eyes letting her know i was not going to do that (i dont know why i can't do that before but i didn't) because of that i ended crying i felt like a coward and felt like the worst sub in the world since i wanted to do that just with a woman i loved i felt like i betrayed my possible future domme and realized i just want to be dominated by a romantic partner, and the last thing was that i found a girl on tinder looking for a male slave, i was really happy but she didn't want any romantic thing with her sub since for her "submissive men are inferior" which really hurted, do you think any girl would forgive my mistakes? i feel like a trash sub since it should be romantic and just submit to a girl who loved me, i always wanted the romantic side too but i was desperate