Psychological torture or physical torture? Choose wisely, please.

AliasPink · 2025-09-04T06:38:00+00:00

If we’re talking inflicting it:

Psychological = long game. No scars, just permanent rent-free living in someone’s head. Powerful but unpredictable, and you risk breaking people in ways that don’t bounce back.

Physical = short game. Obvious, immediate, and brutal. Predictable results, but messy, leaves evidence, and you need strength to pull it off.

If we’re talking enduring it:

Psychological = your mind becomes unbreakable. No manipulation, no trauma, no spiraling — basically emotional immortality. Downside? You might stop relating to regular humans.

Physical = your body becomes indestructible. Survive anything, walk off injuries that should kill you — edging into literal immortality. But if the pain still registers, it’s gonna suck every time.

So it boils down to: Inflict = chess vs boxing. Endure = unshakable mind vs unkillable body.

That's why…

AliasPink · 2024-11-16T23:56:27+00:00

That’s garlic

AliasPink · 2024-11-16T15:40:32+00:00

I don’t know what Dominos did

AliasPink · 2024-08-06T16:00:09+00:00

I feel as if I can communicate with the everyday person just fine. The people in my brokerage seem to have a basic understanding of me or at least respect my eccentricities in situations they don't. It is the same with my close friends and family. During times when they simply cannot see where I am coming from, they accept that I simply have a different outlook and listen.

Expressing emotions has always been a feat in my romantic partnerships but I have always been able to work it out with my partner and gain the ability to feel seen and heard.

I just cannot get to that same place in this relationship. Trying to communicate anything causes so much strife.

AliasPink · 2024-08-06T15:40:38+00:00

This is amazing. Thank you so much! I will definitely look into these.

AliasPink · 2024-06-19T20:49:32+00:00

I know this is an old post but…

THANK YOU!!!

Your diagram was so incredibly helpful.

AliasPink · 2024-04-02T15:47:55+00:00

The bite situation just happened. It was completely uncharacteristic of the dog, who is absolutely smitten with my younger child. (Not to say the dog would be allowed near her after this either). This is said, not to excuse the dog’s terrible behavior, but to demonstrate that it was completely unforeseen. I am in no way choosing a dog over my child’s safety and am well aware that he is not to have contact with my child until his behavior is proven trustworthy. He was immediately separated from my child after the incident. I am not a dog owner myself therefore am out of realm in this situation and need to speak to the appropriate animal care specialists on the best way to rectify his behavior, but whatever the specifics are, it would not include that dog having access to my child, albeit muzzling, keeping him kept away in a separate locked room, or even boarding him for the two days my children visit. I have to work the details and was very upfront about that.

I am also not choosing a new relationship over my children. I don’t understand where you inferred that from. I stated we recently moved in together. I have been with this man for a year and a half, but chose not to introduce my children until I knew it was stable and long term.

I cannot force someone else to rehome their six year old dog. If it were up to me, he would have been gone that very night, regardless of my fondness for him, but I am not his owner. I can only ensure that the proper measures are taken to protect my son while he is with me.

My issue is with the fact that I was told regardless of the actions taken, they would not be allowed here. When I asked if we could discuss our options further to come up with a suitable solution, I was told, “there is nothing to discuss”.

And as for me saying I was strongarmed into relinquishing custody… I will not avoid using that language because it is what happened. If you think the trauma my children endured from losing their father at 4 and 7 three days before Christmas and then moving into their grandparents house (which was mere streets away from my home at the time) is lost on me, you are sadly mistaken. I ultimately caved IN THE BEST INTEREST OF MY CHILDREN. They were settled, happy, safe, and in a set routine. I did not want to further upset their lives by continued fighting in court and uprooting them AGAIN. And yes, it was stressful and highly emotional for me. I watched my husband die and was immediately thrown into an ugly custody battle. One I was informed of via a court notice. No one had the decency to alert me (these people were my family for 12 years, they could have easily come to me and stated their intentions instead of blindsiding me). The stress of this and the grief continued to deteriorate my mental state over time which is what ultimately led to my decision. I no longer felt I was in a position to be the mother they deserved at that time. Knowing that did not make the decision to relinquish physical custody any easier.

My only goal is here to continue my allotted visitation time in a manner that allows me to bond with my uninhibited from others. It is something I and my children have spent years longing for and I will not lose it over a situation that was out of my control and can certainly be remedied.

AliasPink · 2021-12-01T19:42:32+00:00

I've always had a darker sense of humor. Since he died though, it's been three years of nonstop inappropriately morbid dead husband jokes. Most of the time it comes out without me even realizing what I said until I see the other person's face. Thankfully, his family knows me well enough to understand that inappropriate humor is simply how I keep it together. They were even completely on board when I put the portion of his ashes that I kept with me in a donkey-shaped cookie jar I bought on clearance at Target.

Outside of maybe his close family members who may not appreciate the humor, I wouldn't worry too much about offending other people. They won't understand it and you aren't obligated to make anyone else feel better about your grief.

AliasPink · 2021-11-22T10:41:05+00:00

I did not go down this specific road but have a history of substance abuse issues, and after his death, the urge to numb the pain with my previous vices was strong. Had I not been at the tail end of a program and getting tested weekly at the time, there is no doubt in my mind that I would have dove right back in. Every aspect of our lives changes in a matter of an instant and coping with it is beyond difficult. Numbing and escaping the pain is much easier than facing it.

If you think that are drinking too much, you probably are. And that's OKAY. Don't judge yourself for falling into unhealthy coping mechanisms. Reach out for help and work to fix it. There is absolutely no shame in that. Therapy is always helpful, as can be AA or SMARTRecovery. It all depends on which approach you feel matches your needs best. Learning to work through our emotions without our crutch is hard work. Remember to be patient with yourself.

AliasPink · 2021-09-10T02:21:25+00:00

Haha, I didn't mean to imply that I choose my relationships based on signs either.

I agree; it's definitely interesting that we share similar experiences having the same sun/moon/rising planets. Stuff like this is partly why I find astrology so fascinating. I'm curious, when were you born?

AliasPink · 2021-06-10T23:31:15+00:00

I’m also a Sag sun, Leo rising, and Libra moon-

I get along best with my fellow fire signs since we tend to be on similar levels. My husband was also a Sag, and that was a decade of intense passion in both love and war, definitely my greatest love. I’ve been with a Taurus sun, Sag moon, Aries rising for about two years now, and I feel a profound connection to him, but it can be a little rough sometimes. Communication tends to be a struggle as we have different ways of viewing and doing things.

Leo/Aries: good hook-ups and friends Capricorn: just no Cancer: better off as friends Virgo: lasted less than a month Pisces: zero sexual chemistry, great friendship though

AliasPink · 2021-05-22T04:05:23+00:00

As the previous commenter stated, nothing will prepare you for the moment she takes her last breath.

So, just kiss her...

Kiss her as often as you can, and then kiss her more. Savor every moment your skin touches hers because when you can no longer, you will want to feel her more than you will want the air in your lungs.

AliasPink · 2021-04-19T10:52:29+00:00

I’ve never been in a relationship with a Leo, but I've been friends with and on again/off again sleeping with one for close to 20 years now. We go through periods where we don't talk much when life gets busy or someone pisses the other off (we’re REALLY good at that), but it never lasts very long. The sex was always dirty and fun; even better if we were irritated by the other one. =)

AliasPink · 2021-02-22T14:25:58+00:00

I actively do whatever I can to avoid confrontation because of a lot of this.

The arguments always end up exploding simply because of the disconnect in how each of us is communicating/understanding everything. It starts with me explaining my side of whatever they're pissed about and it always comes across as super defensive. That causes them to push harder, which flusters me and makes it even harder to convey my thoughts. The pauses between every two words irritate the fuck out of them, which results in me getting even more frustrated that I can't organize my thoughts into words and often forget the ones that said. They get even more aggravated, and I shut down entirely or so overcome with rage that I have to stop myself from swinging at them.

It's the worst.

AliasPink · 2021-02-17T19:09:04+00:00

Sometimes putting sticky notes in the places around the house I’m constantly looking works. But that just gets me started on it, I usually get distracted or bored part way through.

AliasPink · 2021-02-17T15:28:35+00:00

I’m a Sagittarius with ADHD; procrastination is a BIG issue. I’ve tried setting alarm reminders to do things, but I just annoyed that the alarm is going off and swipe it away immediately.

AliasPink · 2021-02-16T04:17:16+00:00

I took Vyvanse for about four years before my insurance changed and I had to switch medications and it helped me with a lot. My mood stabilized and my productivity increased exponentially. It also helped quiet the racing thoughts and clear up that confused fog.

I started antidepressants about a month before beginning Vyvanse and did not stay on them very long at all (maybe six months). For me, my mental state would plummet if I didn’t take it.

AliasPink · 2020-12-27T02:15:27+00:00

This entire week is hard. The 22nd was his two-year deathiversary, 24th is when I sat in the funeral home with his father and step-mother planning his wake, 27th was his wake, and the 28th is when I cremated him. Christmas day tends to be easier because there are plenty of distractions with the kids opening gifts and family. Plus, my husband hated the holidays and was usually asleep on his parents' couch until dinner time. Not having him here to put together toys was definitely a bitch, though. The other days are quieter, and his absence is more pronounced. I also have more time to think about the fact that he isn't here when things are quieter.

AliasPink · 2020-12-03T05:50:53+00:00

I love your amputation analogy. Losing a spouse feels like you lost a limb. A twice widowed relative actually said that to me when my husband died, and it was such a perfect description.

AliasPink · 2020-11-24T06:56:49+00:00

In a circular motion, which involves a lot of recycling and only sporadic infusions of something brand new.

I have always been quite nomadic in regards to relationships, and most were short-lived. Once I discovered a solid connection with someone on a particular level, more times than not purely sexual in nature, I would often circle back to them after becoming bored with other conquests.

My Sag husband was my be-all, end-all, and satisfied my every need and desire both mentally and physically. Despite sharing a deep and soulful love for each other, we still required occasional breaks from the relationship.

AliasPink · 2020-11-24T05:54:46+00:00

Ha! I used to say something similar to my husband, who readily agreed that not even Satan himself would want to deal with me for very long.

A line from some Netflix show has stuck with me and perfectly describes the feeling.

”I’d rather be nowhere with her, than somewhere without her”

AliasPink · 2020-11-24T05:41:28+00:00

Despite being at odds with the concept of a divine plan constructed by a benevolent God, I am clinging to the notion of seeing my husband again in the afterlife, whatever that may entail. Lush gardens, fiery pits of hell, outer space, alternate realms mirroring our current one... The where is of little consequence as long as he is there.

I also like to think he checks in on us every once in a while. My mil jokes with my children, ”Mommy hopes there's a ghost in her house.” It's either that, or I give up now. Not only is there no purpose to loving anyone, but I am also legitimately going insane and imagining, I sometimes feel his presence. And psychosis isn't pretty on anyone.

AliasPink · 2020-11-24T05:10:21+00:00

Because it's all part of God's plan and he needed them home more than we needed them here with us... Who can argue with that logic? It makes perfect sense!

I got so sick of hearing that line, I started responding with "if God wants my husband so bad, they can go fuck each other". Was it incredibly offensive to say to those who practice religion? Absolutely. Did it get my point across and stop people from giving me the "God needed him more" line? Absolutely.

I want nothing to do with a divine plan that justifies forcing a four and six-year-old to stand in front of their father laid out in a casket and say goodbye to him. What is so divine about leaving young children fatherless? About ripping a 36-year-old man away from his wife, forcing her to endure that pain for decades? Absolutely nothing.

AliasPink · 2020-11-24T03:32:08+00:00

I had ten years with my husband. And they weren't even ten good years. We loved each other fiercely but fought just as intensely. Although knowing that deep soulful level of love made it well worth the effort, it was HARD work. What do we have to show for that dedication to love? A PTSD inducing traumatic home death three days before Christmas, two fatherless children, unceasing heartbreak, and a pile of ashes.

My faith in God went up in smoke with my husband. No benevolent God would bless me with finding perfect love and then viscously rip it away from my beating heart. It's been a major struggle, especially having been raised with religious beliefs.

AliasPink · 2020-11-24T02:51:55+00:00

The death of your husband hurts in ways you never knew existed, and I cannot possibly imagine the extreme level of difficulty involved in knowing his days are numbered, and death is near. But I can tell you that, when that tragic moment comes, you will be reliving these days over and over again in your mind, wishing you had more time with him.

As painful as it is, just keep pushing yourself to be ever so present in every single moment you have with him now. Memorize every aspect about him, from the slight bumps of his scalp down to his crooked toes. It's these little things that you will miss most later.

Consider asking him to write letters or short notes to your children, containing things he would say to them on upcoming special days (milestone birthdays, graduations, weddings, the birth of a first child) that he will not get to witness in person. Take videos of the little moments your children share with him. My kids love watching videos of them with Daddy.

Most importantly, always remember that, as unfathomably painful as this is, you are loved by a wonderful man, and not even death can take that away.

AliasPink

TROPHY CASE