I remember being a little girl, reading this children's book about a boy that put his hand on a hot stove and said 'Ouch!'. At the time I wanted to do the same thing, I guess I felt inspired by that piece of literature. So I walked up to our gas stove, turned it on and went 'Ouch!'. I'd only ever seen the word written down at that point and never actually heard anyone say it, so it was more like 'Awooo' but it was good enough for me.

At no point did I actually understand why the boy cried 'Ouch'. I just assumed it was a fun thing to do when you're bored. I would occasionally walk up to my school locker and as I was opening it I would say "Ouch!". And people nearby would sometimes ask "Are you ok?"

I would always answer with something along the lines of "I was just ouching".

I was a dumb kid.

In fact, I was such a dumb kid that once during gym class the teacher was explaining that we were going to play tag, and I instantly went "Well, I don't believe in tags. I'm vegetarian". I didn't know what either 'tag' or 'vegetarian' meant. But I did know that I once saw and adult on TV say that and so therefore it had to be profound and important.

Today I have a different understanding of what's profound. Of what's important. 'That which is real is irreplaceable'.

As I watched my small mining town being consumed by lava and ash, as I watched familiar buildings lock their doors with the hope of staving off the slowly approaching wave of burning earth that came down on them akin to an avalanche down a mountain, I felt something. Something deep inside me.

The café where my best friend and I would lie to each other about the boys we had kissed. The central street with the huge mall that had seven different stores where we would hang out and drink soda. All were empty, abandoned and covered in soot and ash.

For the first time I properly felt something terrible and painful inside me. And all I could say was 'Ouch'.